


Asking For Help...

by MisterDay



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Family, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, First Kiss, Forgiveness, M/M, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Resentment, Sharing Clothes, Slow Build, Team as Family, buddie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26411659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterDay/pseuds/MisterDay
Summary: Buck is back at the station, but things are not the same after his return and he feared they might never change. The team he so desperately wanted to go back to was cold to him, and yet, Buck was holding on to the hope that their broken relationship can be repaired. But as the weeks pass, his hopes slowly fade away to the point where he breaks and thinks about a promise he made a long time ago...
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 164
Kudos: 727





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!! I'm back with a new story I wanted to write and publish for a long time now!
> 
> I think the title is good, however, I think I need to work on the summary. Do not hesitate to tell me what you think about them, I was so focused on the story itself that I forgot to work on the rest ^^. 
> 
> 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star or their characters do not belong to me.
> 
> Enjoy.!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9-1-1 doesn't belong to me, nor its characters.

The sirens blared through the station, breaking the silence. Even after months of absence, Buck still had the reflex to be on his feet at the noise before remembering that he didn’t have any reason to be ready. With a pang in his heart, he watched his team running towards the trucks and heading out. How he wished he could go on scenes with them. He almost forgot what he feels like to be in that truck, adrenaline coursing through his veins as they approached, the little smiles he shared with Eddie, the occasional brush of their knees. Those memories were fading a little more each day with every harsh word thrown at him, every loud whisper of the word “traitor” and every ice-cold stare. A rictus stretched Buck’s lips at the thought. That was the common attitude of everyone at the station and he couldn’t help but find amusing to prefer these mistreatments to the rare times they just ignored him. Somehow, being treated like a ghost hurt more than being treated like a traitor.

With a loud sigh, he pushed himself out of the corner of the room and headed towards the dining table. The team had the time to finish their diner before leaving, and since they refused to let him back on calls, it was his job to throw away the leftovers and clean the dishes. Putting the rest of the food on one plate, he went over the trash and stopped in his tracks, his gaze glued to the calendar on the wall. 

_September 1._

So, it just had been a month since he dropped the lawsuit and came back to the station. One month, thirty days, it wasn’t that long and yet it felt like an eternity for him. Everything he did, he did it to get back at work. He never thought he would regret it. Every single day since his return had been torture. He tried to apologize, to give them his side of the story, but in vain, no one listened. At first, he thought it was just asking too much too soon. So he came back every day and worked hard, hoping to earn their trust and affection again. Some days, he tried to chitchat with them, they either ignored him or mocked him. As time passed, the insults became more frequent and Buck just stopped. He stopped laughing awkwardly, stopped talking. Hell, now that he thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time he actually talked. But with whom? The team hated him and Athena, Karen and Maddie probably knew nothing of the situation at the station. If they learned about the team’s attitude towards him, he bet they wouldn’t be happy about it and that would destroy what little chance he has left with the 118. A part of him knew he was desperately clinging to a chimera, but that’s all he had now.

Throwing away the leftovers, Buck busied himself for the rest of the day with all the chores Bobby gave him. It was a slow day, despite the team’s constant back and forth, but Buck enjoyed being alone in the station. Working without someone peeking over his shoulder or throwing snarky remarks here and there felt good. It almost made him enjoy his tasks. 

By the end of the day, Buck had finished all the chores Bobby gave him and ended up with nothing to do. He considered it a small victory, but as he sat on a chair, he found himself looking around, desperate to find something to keep his mind from wandering too much. His right leg bounced up and down uncontrollably. He kept repeating in his head all of his tasks, hoping that maybe he forgot to do one, but he did them all thoroughly. 

He placed his phone face down on the table and waited, hoping and praying to receive news from Owen. His heart clenched when thinking about him. They were always sending the other messages, usually, it was to give news or asking for them or, most of the time, simply to share a funny picture or an interesting article or just to say something silly. Buck didn’t want to, but he let his mind wandered to the last conversation he had with him last month, right before Buck’s first day back at the station.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_**

  
  
  


_Placing his duffel bag on the floor, Buck checked for the last time if he hadn’t forgotten anything. Satisfied by the content of his bag, he closed it and headed out when he heard his phone ringing. He brought his hand to his jean's back pocket instinctively and grinned as he realized he almost forgot his phone. Dropping his bag by the bed, he picked his phone up from it. His smile grew bigger when he saw that it was Owen calling._

_“Hey, pa!”_

_“Hey, buddy!” Owen chuckled. “Ready for your first day back?”_

_It was an innocent, but Buck’s heart clenched, knowing his team didn’t share his excitement. Of course, he couldn't tell that to Owen who knew nothing about the lawsuit and its aftermath._

_“Evan? Are you okay? An what’s that sound? I hope I’m not bothering you.”_

_Buck shook his head, cursing his hesitation. “No, don’t worry pops! It’s just that I was about to go and if you hadn’t called, I would’ve forgotten my phone.”_

_“Such an airhead!” Owen chuckled._

_“Dad!” Buck exclaimed with a smile, knowing that whatever his dad told him always said ‘I love you’. Silence fell on the line, the kind of silence Buck didn't like. “Are **you** okay?” he asked, emphasizing the 'you' and hoping to get the truth out of his father. _

_“Of course!” Owen answered without skipping a beat. A too spontaneous response for Evan's taste._

_“Don’t tell me you’re nervous about moving to Austin?”_

_He heard Owen laugh at the comment. “Me? Nervous? Come on, you know me better than that!” He paused for a brief moment before continuing. “But your brother isn’t too fond of the idea.”_

_“How is he? Last time we talked he was planning to propose to Alex. I haven’t heard from him since then.”_

_Owen sighed. “It didn’t go as he expected.”_

_Buck shared his disappointment. “How can I help?”_

_“Well, you could accept_ **_my_ ** _offer!”_

_“ Papa!” Buck whined, not sure if he felt amused or embarrassed._

_“Please! I’m getting old and doing a dangerous job. You would refuse me the joy of having both my babies working with me?”_

_Any sign of embarrassment disappeared momentarily at his dad’s silliness, remembering the day Owen promised him that he will always be his baby, no matter how old he is. But Buck couldn’t help the pang in his heart as he felt like he was forced to choose between his two families._

_“That’s a low blow dad.”_

_“I know, I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s ok. I have to go to work so…”_

_“Stay safe.”_

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_**

  
  
  


Too caught up in his own thoughts, Evan didn't notice the team coming back from their last call until they climbed up the stairs. Despite his presence, they all gathered around the dining table and marvelled at how clean the station was. Evan ignored their sneaky comments and focused his attention on Bobby. The captain arrived last, taking his team as he made his way up. When he saw Buck at the table, he asked if he did all his tasks. The blond man nodded, incapable to pronounce a single word. He sighed inwardly, ready for any new task Bobby imagined for him.

“That’s good, Buckley! You can rest now, the shift is almost over.”

Buck’s eyes widened in shock, he clearly didn't see that coming, especially from Bobby. After all, for the past month, his captain didn’t seem to care whether he had 5 or 10 minutes left in his shift to assign him a new task. So what changed? But the captain continued.

“I wouldn’t want you to sue us for exerting you!”

Buck almost smiled bitterly. Nothing had changed, so why was he still hoping?

He heard his phone buzz on the table and picked it in one swift movement. His grip tightened around his phone, it was just an app notification. There were only three minutes left until the end of his shift, no one would mind if he goes now, no one wanted him to stay.

Getting up, he put the chair back in its place and made his way downstairs. He was in the middle of the steps when he heard Eddie laughing. Not laughing, snickering.

“Did you see how quickly he picked his phone? Desperate for it to be a message. Pathetic!”

He didn’t wait to hear the team’s answers to that and went to the locker room. He stopped dead at the entrance. His locker had been forced, the door wide open and his things scattered on the floor. This picture was an all too familiar picture for him to be surprised. He dropped on his knees, packed all his belongings carefully before freezing. 

“No, no, no!!!” He muttered frantically while rummaging through his bag, throwing away his clothes, searching for one special item. He let out a sigh of relief when he found a small USB key in the inside pocket and almost cried out in relief. He put his clothes back in, closed it and made his way out only to find Chimney at the door, a sad look on his face.

The two men looked at each other, not saying a word. What was there to say anyway? 

Chimney opened his mouth to say something but Evan forced his way out, not in the mood to hear him.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_**

  
  
  


His bag over the shoulder, Buck wandered in the lively streets of L.A., wondering how to busy himself for his next two days off. He had nowhere to go, nowhere to be. He could always volunteer at the hospital and watch over the babies, he loved to do that. Sometimes, he only went there because it was the only place where he felt at peace, at least for a few hours, before reality catches him up and made him feel ashamed and lonely. Eddie was right in the end, he did feel lonelier than ever and desperate. He missed his team, he missed his dad… he missed Chris. Hearing Eddie snicker made him feel sick and reminded him of the blond boy and how much he loved and missed him more than anyone else.

Taking his phone out from his pocket, Buck looked at his wallpaper with fondness. It was a picture of Christopher taken last Christmas. Buck spent the holidays with the Diaz boys. The three of them were sitting at the dining table, eating chocolate Yule log, Chris’ favourite dessert. Eddie put the plates away when they finished and told his son to go wash his mouth before the movie. Chris had his face full of chocolate and looked at Buck before giving a goofy grin to the adult who couldn’t help but snap a picture of the silly kid.

Clenching tightly the item in his jean pocket, Buck took a deep breath and started walking. He didn’t need to think too much about where to go, he went there so many times he could find his way blindfolded.

He arrived in front of the too-familiar front door and this time, knocked before entering. He waited a few seconds before Carla opened the door. “Buckaroo?”

The blond man saw the confusion on her features and how she eyed him up and down like she didn’t recognize him. He tried to smile, hoping to reassure the only friend who hasn’t given up on him. “Hey, Carla! Eddie’s not home?” He asked, even though he was glad for Eddie's absence.

“No! And who knows where he is! He’s not answering his phone!!!”

Buck cringed under her sharp tone, it wasn’t like Eddie to come home late and not tell Carla before. “He’s probably still at the station, I was the first one to leave.”

A hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised, she looked at Buck in a manner that said she didn’t believe him. Whatever. Things between him and Eddie were delicate enough, no need to add more unnecessary tension. 

“If you need to leave, you can. I can watch Chris. Hell, he’s probably already asleep by now.” He offered.

Carla pursed her lips, looking uneasy, clearly torn between the need to go home and the fear to let Buck wait for Eddie instead of her. She wasn’t stupid, even if she didn’t know everything, she knew that Eddie was not completely over the lawsuit, that’s why he forbid Buck to see them. She feared what his reaction might be if he discovered Buck instead of her. She witnessed firsthand how easily Eddie let his anger out these days, she didn’t want him to do or say something to Buck he might regret.

“It’s gonna be ok, Carla!” He said, catching her attention. “Don’t worry!”

The look in his eyes showed his confidence and she accepted to go. Before leaving, she put a hand on his cheek told him to call if he needed anything.

“I will, I promise!”

“And eat something, you’re all skin and bones.” She kissed his hollow cheek and left.

Closing the door carefully, Buck turned around and looked at the house he used to come so many times in. He padded through the living room, caressing the back of the couch as memories of so many movie nights flooded in his mind. He continued his way in the narrow hallway leading to Chris’ room. Opening the door quietly, he peeked in first. When he spotted his boy sleeping soundly, he waltzed him, keeping the door as close as possible so the light in the hallway didn’t wake Chris. He kneeled in front of the boy’s bed and brushed his soft curls.

“I’m sure you don’t understand what’s going on in your life lately,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “I’m so sorry Chris. Sorry I wasn’t there when you had nightmares. I can only hope you can forgive me. I failed you and your dad.”

Plunging his free hand in his pocket, he fished out the USB key and put it on the boy’s nightstand.

“I don’t know if I can fix what I did, but whatever happens I want you to remember how much I love you, I’ll always will.”

Getting up, Buck bent over and kissed tenderly Chris’ temple before exiting the room as quietly as he entered. 

When the door closed, Christopher opened his eyes and saw the device on his nightstand. He grabbed it and pressed it close to his chest. His little lips started to tremble and, despite his gritted teeth, couldn’t suppress the sobs that escaped him.

In the meantime, Buck had made his way back to the living room but froze when Eddie came home at that moment. The tension was so thick that Buck didn’t dare to move a finger. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, his speech a bit slurred.

Buck opened his mouth but Eddie didn’t let him talk.

“Get out!” He growled as he approached, so close that their faces were merely inches apart. Buck never felt smaller and weaker under Eddie ice-cold stare. At this distance, he could smell the sweat and the alcohol, too much alcohol. “Get. Out.” He repeated through gritted teeth.

Fear overwhelmed Buck as he forgot how to walk. His mouth still open, he wished he could say something, but the words refused to cross the barrier of his lips.

“GET OUT!!!” Eddie yelled.

Panicked, Buck flew out the door and ran as fast and as far as his feet would carry him. 

He stopped running like a mad man when he arrived at Marina Beach. It was far enough from Eddie’s home. He sat on the beach a few minutes, trying to catch his breath when a strange noise caught his attention. Getting up, he walked towards the port and saw a group of loud teenagers on the pontoon. They were looking at something in the water but had their phone out and looked like they were filming. Buck didn’t like that and came closer and spotted a teenage girl in the water. She flailed and kicked the water with her arms, panic written all over her features. She opened her mouth to call out for help but swallowed water instead. He started running again towards her and yelled at the stupid group to call 9-1-1 before jumping in. He swam as fast as possible and passed behind her.

‘Hey! It’s ok, I got you!” He yelled as he put his arms under her armpits and grabbed her shoulders. “I’m a firefighter, I’m here to help. Just stop struggling, I’ll get you out of the water.”

His soothing speech seemed to work, although she breathed heavily, still terrorized at the idea of drowning. When they arrived at the pontoon, he hoisted her onto it. Out of strength, her chest on the ground, she tried to use her leg to climb up but accidentally kicked Buck in the face.

The young man fell back in the water, slowly sinking down but didn’t move. Eyes open, he looked up. The neon lights, a perfect contrast with the dark sky, looked like shining stars gleaming on the surface. He should resurface, but why couldn’t he move?

_You’re exhausting!_

Eddie! 

_We all have our problems! Why can’t you suck it up?_

How he wished he knew! There were so many questions he wished he knew the answer to. Why did he have to make the wrong choices? Why did he trust the wrong person? Why wasn’t he strong enough? Was he that selfish? Why fighting for a team who didn't want him anymore? Was he still family to them? Probably not, otherwise, they would have forgiven him. That's what family does, right?

_You weren’t there!_

True! But he had to, didn’t he? The whole point of the suit was to go back to them, to him…

_GET OUT!!!!_

But he lost him, he lost his family. They wanted him out of their lives, so what was the point in fighting? He was tired of fighting when there was no finish line. Life was an endless fight, but why weren't there small victories? Some breaks? He just wanted to sleep. The lights above him shined too bright, but as he slowly let go of his will, the darkness started overwhelming him and this time, he didn’t resist, didn't fought back, but accepted it like an old friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to share these posts that the author OnTheGround2012 found on tumblr. Like he said, it's worth sharing.
> 
> Golden Rules for Fanfiction Readers!
> 
> If the fic already has a thousand comments, comment still. Your comment matter and delight the author.  
> If a fic is a decade old and the author hasn’t been active in the last five years, comment sill. There will come a time when the author will read and cherish your comment, or maybe it will motivate them enough to start writing again. You never know!  
> If the author never responds to comments, comment still. Interaction with the author is a very nice bonus, but you can be sure that even if the author doesn’t answer, they will read it and enjoy it at some point.  
> There’s no such thing as a too-long comment.  
> There’s no such thing as a too incoherent comment.  
> The author will give no flying fuck about any grammatical errors, typo or other misspellings. If you’re a non-native speaker struggling to express themselves, you can be sure the author will be all the more pleased that you surmounted the language barrier to let them know you appreciated their work. Don’t be afraid!  
> There’s no such thing as commenting too often.  
> You will never, ever come across as creepy by obsessing over a fic or an author to the point where you worry the author might think you’re a stalker. On the contrary, the author will be delighted by your investment in their work.  
> Say thank you. It’s always appreciated to see readers acknowledge the work and commitment that is put into writing.  
> The floaty review box (ao3 add-on) is your friend.  
> Be positive and encouraging. Positive reviews make writers all warm and glowy from the inside, bashing plunges their soul into icy darkness. You want the first, not the second!  
> Whoever you are, if you read their fic, You are IMPORTANT to the author. Let them know you’re there!
> 
> How to comment/praise writers and influence fics
> 
> So, that’s all good, but what do you actually say to writers? It doesn’t have to be much or take a lot of time.
> 
> A simple “This is great/funny/hot!” is wonderful. “Best fic I’ve read this week!” “Funny as hell and cute too.” “You have to read this, it’s awesome!” “I can’t wait for more of this.” “I hope you keep going!” These are great in reblogs and in messages.
> 
> Even better is specific feedback. We love specific feedback, because it tells us what readers liked and what they didn’t. Want to influence our next fic? Tell us what you liked about this one and I bet you it will keep showing up! Specific feedback is just telling the writer what you liked. It doesn’t have to be long or complicated, either. (But if you write a lot, we will love you so much.)
> 
> Was there a character you liked? Talk about them: “I love how you wrote X” “Y was so funny!” “OMG I wanted to STRANGLE Q!” “You can really feel X’s frustration.” “Y has so much depth, they’re a really well-rounded character.” “R says so much with so few words, it’s amazing.”
> 
> What about a part or line you enjoyed? “That bit in the park- LOVE IT.” “I have never read a better description of a cup of tea.” “The way you wrote about his fear, that was heartbreaking.”
> 
> Was there a part that made you feel something? Happy, sad, angry? “That last sentence killed me, he’s so broken.” “I wanted to jump around when they finally kissed!” “This chapter was so tense, my heart was pounding by the end.”
> 
> Did the characters or plot or setting remind you of your life? “I live in Brussels, that’s just how that street looks.” “When Y talked about R, I knew exactly how he felt.” “You captured that lost, aimless feeling perfectly; I’ve so been there.”
> 
> Are there unanswered questions? Mention how much you want the answers. “I can’t wait to find out what’s in the basket!” “That was a cliffhanger ending, wow.” “How is she going to explain THAT?” (some writers are touchy about predicting, though, so stay away from “I bet he’ll throw that letter out.” or “X is clearly coming back.”)
> 
> A few closing notes: be enthusiastic if that’s your style, go crazy with exclamation marks, smileys, caps! Tell a writer if you’re rereading their work- very little makes us happier than knowing our writing has the staying power for a second, third, sixth, tenth read. Did a reread give you a new insight or feeling about the fic? Tell us! We will be so excited to hear. And remember, recommendations are wonderful- putting up a random post tagging your favorite writers or fics you’re enjoying will show the writers that they’re writing is more than a flash in the open and they’ll get some new readers too!
> 
> We can’t do this writing thing without you guys. So thank you so much! Without readers, we’re just talking to ourselves. We love and appreciate you for reading- but we need to know you’re doing it. We need feedback like we need air. Don’t let your favorite writers suffocate! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A John Doe arrives at the hospital. A son calls out for his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!!
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments, I loved them and it really motivated me to write this second chapter quicker.
> 
> Enjoy :)

The soft, regular beep of the machine disrupted the young girl in her sleep, making her frown through her closed eyelids. Why was it waking her up now? This beeping lulled her to sleep in the first place, so why now? She should wake up and check on the unconscious man lying in front of her, but her exhaustion was intense after struggling in the cold water for so long. The selfish part of her begged her to go back to sleep, but a hand shook her shoulder.

“Emma, honey, wake up.” A soft, maternal voice followed the push of the hand.

Sitting up straight on the uncomfortable hospital chair, the young girl opened her eyes, pushing strands of auburn hair away from her face, blinking rapidly as the light of the day attacked her vision. “Nurse Taylor? What time is it?”

Smiling tenderly at the sleepy teenager, the young nurse put back a strand of her blond hair behind her ear before looking at her watch. “Almost noon. You need to eat something sweetheart.”

“But what if he wakes up and I’m not there? No one asked for him and I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“I’m sure his family is looking for him and will be here soon.”

“But what if he doesn’t have any family?” She asked, turning her face towards the adult.

Nurse Taylor sat on the bed and looked for a brief moment at the man laying down. Something about his features seemed so familiar, yet so unknown. She didn't know him but he looked like someone she may have seen, but she didn’t know where this feeling came from. She knew there was a possibility that this man didn’t have anyone, but somehow, she refused to believe it.

“What if he had no one?” Emma asked again, her voice almost breaking at the thought.

Shaking her head slowly, the nurse put a hand under the girl’s chin and turned her face towards her. “I won’t lie to you, this could be a possibility. But personally, I refuse to think that someone so selfless is not looked for.”

Nodding firmly, Emma allowed a smile to stretch her lips, but it was a rictus.

“I have to go, but promise me you’ll eat something.” She gave the girl a pointed look and refused to go until she agreed.

As soon as the nurse left the room, Emma felt cold without her presence. She had been so nice to her since she arrived last night, allowing her to stay with her saviour. Her saviour! She couldn’t keep calling him that!

“John Doe,” she whispered, looking at him with an unreadable expression. “What’s your name? What’s your story?”

This man represented an enigma for her as for his doctors. When they brought him in yesterday, he had no I.D, no keys, no cellphone. _No cellphone!_ For a teenage girl, it was unbelievable for someone to go out without the precious device, so why didn’t he have his? Maybe he forgot it somewhere, but then where was his wallet? Probably the most important belonging for an adult? She admitted the possibility that not everyone found it useful to have their phone on them every time, but what was his excuse not to have his wallet on him?

“Who are you?” She asked, her voice starting to get hoarse. She had decided against it but she was getting really thirsty by now.

Getting up, she left the room quietly. She crossed the crowded corridor, head bent down, deep in thoughts. As she approached the machine, she poured herself two glasses of water and drank them in one go, not wanting to stay away too long. She looked around her and spotted the trash can. She threw the glasses away with shaky hands and made her way back to the room, the corridor being too loud for her taste. On her way back towards John Doe’s room, she finally noticed them. Doctors and nurses going in and out of rooms, checking on their patients, friends and families of said patients, smiling and talking to them. Emma’s body started to tremble, tears blurring her vision. Her breath shortened and she breathed through her gritted teeth so her face wouldn’t be contorted by the pain. Putting her arms around herself, she focused on regulating her breathing, but it was hard. The powerful constriction of her heart felt like daggers planted in her chest.

“Emma?” She heard in the midst of the noise.

She turned her back to whoever recognized her, hoping to avoid her, but that person came closer. “Emma? Is that you honey?”

She knew that kind, maternal voice, but couldn’t remember where. She took a deep breath and turned around. A woman stood in front of her, dark skin, short dark hair and a soft expression. Her face was so familiar.

“Do you recognize me?” She asked.

She was wearing a police officer uniform, the name on her tag said ‘Grant’.

“My name’s Athena Grant.”

“You’re May’s mother."

Smiling tenderly at her, she nodded. “That’s right. You and May were friends, right?”

“We talked sometimes at school,” Emma answered, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly.

“I haven’t seen you in a long time, what are you doing here? Are you alright?” She asked as she guided Emma towards the nearest seat.

“I’m ok, I swear.”

“Then what’s with all the tears?” She asked, half-amused.

Emma stayed silent, not sure if she should tell her secrets to her, but a part of her knew she could trust the adult. “Your daughter is not the only one who has been bullied. I don’t know how to swim,” she admitted, ashamed. “ And last night, a group of “popular” decided it would be fun to throw me in the water and film me struggling.”

Closing her eyes, Athena cursed the stupidity of their teenagers.

“But he saved me,” she continued, earning a raised eyebrow from Athena. “When I thought I was about to drown, someone jumped in the water and saved me. But I panicked and kicked his face with my foot. He almost drowned because of me.”

“Oh, honey,” Athena whispered softly, putting her hands on hers. “You can’t blame yourself! You panicked, it's a normal reaction when facing your worst fear.”

Emma sighed, she didn’t have the energy to argue that she should’ve done more. If this man, a stranger, was brave enough to risk his life for her, what stopped her from doing more?

“Emma, what’s wrong?”

“He’s a John Doe, Mrs. Grant. He had no I.D, not even a phone, nothing to tell us who he is, who to contact. He was brought in last night and no one asked for him.” She explained as tears kept on rolling on her cheeks. “He’s gonna wake up alone.”

“Not all alone, visibly. He has you.” 

Emma snorted. “It’s not enough,"

“But it’s a start. Look, I have to go, but I’ll come back as soon as I can and help you with your John Doe. Hell, he’ll probably have all his family by his side by the time I come back.”

The idea of having the police helping was reassuring and Emma accepted gladly. After squeezing the girl’s shoulder, Athena got back to work.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_**

  
  
  


Emma waited for Athena's return all day, but she never came back. As a sergeant, she was probably too busy or maybe she forgot her promise. It didn’t matter, Nurse Taylor told her, judging by John Doe’s brain activity, that he should wake up shortly. Soon, the enigma this man represents was gonna be solved. That certainty eased Emma’s mind a lot. In order to help her kill the time, Nurse Taylor brought Emma a book, _Mr. Darcy’s Diary - Amanda Grange._

_Classic!_

Opening the book, she started reading aloud. Minutes turned into hours and before she knew it, it was dark outside. She felt a small pang in her heart, all of her hopes had instantly faded when she realized that her John Doe had been at the hospital for 24h and he hadn’t woken up, worse still, no one looked for him. Closing her book, she left to get herself another glass of water and stretch her legs at the same time.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_**

  
  
  


_Beep….Beep….Beep…._

Frowning, Evan cringed under the offending sound. He knew it all too well not to know what it meant. He was back at the hospital! He forced his eyes open reluctantly, taking his time to adjust to the neon light. Looking on his left, he saw the dark sky through the window and wondered how long he was here? A few hours? A few days? What happened?

“You’re awake!”

The new voice startled him, he turned his head towards the door and almost felt relieved to see a stranger. He dropped his head back on the pillow but frowned. He looked back at the teenage girl and remembered her. “I know you.”

Nodding subtly, Emma came closer and sat on the chair next to the bed. “You saved my life last night,” she answered with a shy smile.

Last night? So he’s been unconscious for 24h. “Where am I?”

“Marina Del Rey Hospital. The closest one from the port.”

He didn’t know this hospital. Good, at least no one would recognize him here. “You stayed with me? The whole time?” He asked incredulously. 

“How could I not stay with the John Doe who risked his life to save a stranger?”

“A John Doe?” He repeated.

“When they brought you in, you had nothing on you that could help us identify you. Since we didn’t know who you were, we couldn’t reach your family.”

_I don’t have one! Not anymore!_

Sensing his distress, she diverted his thoughts from their dark place. “So, what’s your name?”

The blond man smiled sheepishly and introduced himself. “My name’s Bu…” He stopped mid-sentence, refusing to pronounce the name they used all the time. “Evan. Evan Buckley.”

“Glad to finally know your name. I’m Emma.” She took his hand in hers and continued. “Thank you for saving me, although you shouldn’t have risked your life for me. I’m not worth it.”

That self-deprecating attitude triggered something in Evan, an instinct to help. He sat up straight and looked at her intently. “And who said that? Your friends?”

She knew exactly who he was referring to and shook her head. “They’re not my friends.”

“Then why do you listen to them?”

She paused, not sure where to start. “Since I entered high school, the “popular” started to bully me. I guess I was an easy target. I never fought back, what’s the point anyways? Those who tried had been turned down, the school refused to believe that their jocks were that cruel towards other students. They slam us against the walls, vandalize our lockers and find, every day, new creative ways to humiliate us.” She paused, not wanting to share the rest of the story, but he needed to know why he shouldn’t have saved her. “Last night, when you jumped in, I wanted to let go.”

Evan froze, letting go, isn’t that what he did too? He fought for her so she could keep on fighting and he let go too. He felt like a hypocrite at this moment. She felt bad about the rescue, and although he wanted to keep his weakness a secret, he couldn’t lie to her. “We both did.”

Emma looked at him with wide eyes, incapable of finding the right words to say, but Evan continued.

“I know how high school can be hard. But believe me, those “popular” have no idea how hard real life is. It’s gonna bring them to their knees and break them. They will discover the hard way that being popular in high school won’t get them jobs or promotions. They will discover that they are not special and can’t have anything they want, just because they want it. You think those assholes ruined your life, but it hasn’t started yet. My life started when I had my first job, and yours will too. It won't always be pretty. Like I said, life will bring you to your knees. But if you stick around, you will meet people who will become your best friends. You will have a team that will be your family. But for those dreams to come true, you can’t let go.”

Emma looked into his eyes and knew he told her the truth. He wasn’t saying these words to make her feel better. She saw the immense pain reflecting in his dull eyes and she could only imagine the horrible things he went through. “How?”

“Maybe…” He stopped, remembering the last time he pronounced those words and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. “Maybe ask for help once in a while.”

The room suddenly fell silent, as the two young people searched for that special person they can ask for help from. 

Standing up from her chair, Emma put her phone on the nightstand. “You first,” she said before exiting the room.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_**

  
  
  


“Hey, dad!” TK’s voice broke Owen’s reverie. “You okay?”

Giving his phone a quick peek for the hundredth time, Owen turned his head towards his son and tried to smile reassuringly. “Great!”

“You’re a terrible liar, hope you know that!” The young man answered by the open door.

Sighing in defeat, Owen put his phone down on his desk and dropped back in his seat in defeat. “Do you think I should’ve tried harder to convince your brother to work with us?”

“Why the question?” TK frowned.

“I don’t know.”

This bad feeling has been nagging Owen all day, making him feel uneasy. He had kept a watchful eye on TK, fearing a danger might occur, but here they were, a few minutes away from the end of their shift and nothing happened. He tried to reassure himself, but a small voice in the back of his head kept telling him he protected the wrong son. He tried to chase that hideous thought away as much as he could, but the fact that he hadn’t talked to Evan in a month and didn’t know how he was doing didn’t help.

“You do know you’re allowed to text and even call him, right?”

“No way?” Owen retorted loudly before realizing how harsh that sounded and apologized. “I just… I know I haven’t talked to him in a month now but I don’t think he’s happy there anymore, and it kills me not to have him here, with us.”

“Did you tell him?”

Exhaling loudly, Owen tried not to let his frustration out, especially not on his son. “It’s complicated.” 

“How? It’s Evan! If you tell him how you feel…” TK started.

“Then he’ll feel obligated to come here to make me happy.” Owen finished. “A firehouse is like a family TK. How would you feel if someone forces you to choose between one of your family.”

TK didn’t respond, he knew the answer to that question. His mother made him choose too and that ultimatum destroyed their relationship and their family. “I miss him too, you know.”

Owen watched his son give him a small smile before leaving. When the door closed, the fire captain looked at his phone again, somehow hoping to get a message from Evan, but a knock at the door interrupted his train of thoughts. Covering his face with his hands, Owen groaned. “TK, please…”

“What a welcome! Should I come back later?”

Smiling under his hands, Owen put them away to reveal Michelle leaning against the now open door, an amused grin stretching her lips. “Of course not, you’re always welcome in my sanctuary.”

Despite his reassuring demeanour, Michelle saw the turmoil in his mind. She sat on his desk, placing a plate of food in front of him and put her hand through his short hair. “What’s troubling you?” Her hands moved to his temple and she turned his face so he could look at her. "Is it about TK?"

“Not just TK.” He paused, the warmth of her touch giving him courage. “The secrets, the lies, the uncertainties, the worries, they’re eating me alive. I feel like a liar, a cheater. I’m keeping things from my son, even from you. What kind of man am I? What kind of father am I?”

“The loving kind,” Michelle answered honestly, without skipping a beat. Her hand moved from Owen’s face to grab his hand. “Everyone lies, for different reasons. But, whatever your reasons are, you know that the truth always comes out, even if you’re not ready.”

“Especially when I’m not ready!” He snorted.

She squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. “Remember you’re not perfect. Only human.”

“Guess I can kiss my red cape goodbye then?” Owen asked, grinning like a mischievous kid.

Michelle tried to keep her serious face but the fire captain had this ability to make her laugh even when she didn’t want to. Mostly when she didn’t want to. Their fit of laughter got interrupted by the ringing of Owen’s phone. Curious, he looked at the unknown number and decided to answer anyway.

“Captain Strand!”

There was a brief pause before he heard a broken voice called out. “Dad?”

Owen was immediately on his feet, recognizing that voice. “Evan! Are you ok? Talk to me!” The fire captain could hear his son cry on the other end of the line. How he wished he could take him in his arms and chase the tears away just like when he was a kid.

“I need you.” He sounded like a frightened child, it made his heart sink.

“Ok, just breathe, baby! It’s alright! Just send me your location and I’ll take the first flight for L.A, I’ll be there in a few hours, I promise.”

“Ok,” he answered weakly.

“Owen, what’s wrong?” Michelle asked as he hung up.

He looked at his friend and couldn’t bring himself to lie anymore. “It was my son. My other son. He needs me.”

Seeing the panicked expression on his face, she put her hands on his shoulders. “Then I’m coming with you, and don’t even argue!”

His expression softened. He breathed a small ‘thank you’ before guiding her downstairs. Their fast-paced walk attracted the attention of the entire crew.

“Judd!” Owen called out. “I have to leave for a day or two, in the meantime, you’re in charge.”

“Ok, Cap!” 

Thankful for his second in command to accept without asking questions, Owen disappeared in the locker room, took his duffel bag and headed for the door, but TK’s voice stopped him.

“Wait a minute, dad! What’s wrong?”

Owen hesitated, not knowing how to break the news. TK needed to know, although even Owen didn’t understand what was going on. All he knew was that his son needed him. Finally, with a weary sigh, Owen faced his son who regretted having asked when he saw the look on his face. “It’s your brother, TK.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wrong diagnosis, an angry dad and a shocked paramedic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!!
> 
> Thank you again for all your comments, I'm so glad that you love this story so much.
> 
> I also wanted to warn you, I don't update every day (the two chapters in two days were just luck ^^). I update as soon as the chapter is finished.
> 
> Anyway, here I am with my third chapter!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Squirming in his seat, Owen couldn’t sit still. They just sat on the plane that should take them to Los Angeles but his patience had already worn out. As a firefighter, he had to deal with highly stressful situations every day but never lost his cool. And yet, as a father, he always failed to stay calm. At that moment, Michelle’s soothing words were the only things that kept him from going insane by imagining the worst.

Risking a glance at the passengers entering the aircraft, Owen clenched his teeth hard to keep him from yelling at everyone to hurry the fuck up! He knew he shouldn't have looked so he tore his gaze away from the offending display and looked out the window, his eyes losing themselves in the immense dark sky. He hadn’t noticed his leg bouncing uncontrollably until Michelle put her hand on his knee, stopping the frenetic movements. Throwing her a nervous smile, he covered her hand with his, craving for the feeling of her skin. “Sorry,” he mouthed.

“Don’t be,” she answered the same way, throwing him a genuine smile. She paused, wondering how to ease his mind at least a little, but it's Owen who broke the silence.

“Thank you, Michelle! For coming with me, I appreciate it.”

Her smile grew bigger as she may have found something to amuse him. “Well, I remembered the Dustin Foster’s incident,” she started, making her friend moan at the memory, “and I thought that if this is how you react to someone who bothers your friend, I’d rather be with you and eventually stop you from killing your son’s tormentors.”

Owen snorted. “I’m sure you’d help me hide the bodies.”

“True, very true! Well, since I’m your partner in crime, why don’t you tell me the story of Evan Strand?”

“Buckley,” Owen answered automatically, disdain clear in his voice as he pronounced the offending last name out loud.

Raising an eyebrow, she silently invited him to continue, so he started from the very beginning.

“I was captain of Station 252 in New-York. I was young, I was in love, full of dreams and hopes. I've wanted to be a foster parent for a long time, but my wife detested the idea. We already had a kid, plus she never really understood how you could consider your child someone who’s not related to you by blood.”

Michelle shook her head at the narrow-minded spirit of that woman.

“I had a hard time convincing her to at least try. She accepted. A few weeks later, Evan entered our lives.” Owen stopped and laughed at the memory. “On December 3rd. He had a thick dark red scarf wrapped around his neck. It covered his face from his chin to his nose and all I could see were his eyes. My heart melted when I looked into his baby blues. He got me wrapped around his little finger with one look.”

“When did you meet him exactly?”

“I met my baby 20 years ago.”

“And you still remember the color of his scarf?” Michelle asked incredulously, earning a chuckle from her friend.

“The memories of my first encounter with my sons are engraved up here,” he said, pointing at his temple with one finger. “And I’ll never forget them.”

Michelle couldn’t help looking at him with amazement. Never had she ever seen a parent like Owen Strand, this man never ceased to amaze her. “How TK’s first encounter with Evan went?”

A wide grin appeared on the captain’s face as he recoiled the memory. “It went so great! Those two clicked right away, claiming the other as his brother since day one.”

“Who’s the eldest?” She asked, curious.

“Evan! A year older than TK!”

“Did they argue a lot?”

“Not really. They always had a strong connection. For example, before Carlos, Evan was the only person on the planet who could call his brother Tyler.”

“The privilege of brotherhood,” she snickered.

Owen huffed out a laugh before regaining seriousness. “We had an amazing year together. A year I’ll never forget.”

Michelle looked at him and hesitated, the question burning her lips. “So what happened?”

Melancholy clouded Owen’s feature. The captain explained with a sigh. “My wife happened! At first, I thought she just needed time to adjust, that having Evan would open her eyes and that she would love him as much as I loved him. But she never did. Gwenyth spent all her time at her office, deciding to focus on her career, then 9/11 happened. We spent days searching and rescuing, and then when things settled down, I spent most of my time at the station, consoling the guys who needed me. And every time I came home, we fought. I really tried to be as present as possible for my family and my team, tried to tell her how the team was a second family, but she didn’t believe it. She said I had only one family, TK and her, that the rest were just mere distractions.”

Michelle’s mouth fell agape, her anger melted into shock at this woman’s cruelty.

“She asked me to choose, my “real” family or my "distractions", but I refused.”

Frowning, she asked. “If you refused to choose, then what happened?”

Owen’s sad expression left his face, replaced by growing anger. “She chose for me.” He stopped, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. “It happened right before Christmas. I had the adoption papers with me for quite some time and was waiting for the right moment, plus I really wanted this surprise to be special. But I never got the opportunity to just ask. Gwyneth came to me and said she found Evan’s biological family and they wanted him back. I never yelled louder than that day, I couldn’t believe that she gave away our son to some stranger. But she had the nerve to tell me she never considered Evan ours.” A single tear rolled on his cheek. He wiped it away quickly with a sniff. “I fought for him, but legally, he wasn’t mine. And I watched them take my baby away from me.”

“Owen,” Michelle murmured as she squeezed his hand.

He turned to her, his eyes watering. “I feel like I failed him, twice!”

“You did not! Owen, being a parent is probably the most difficult job on earth, and I know you tried your best. That’s all you can do. That’s all that matters.”

The intensity of their gaze hypnotized the other, around them, people moved and talked but they heard nothing of it, prisoners of the simple contact of their hand and the fondness in their eyes.

“Excuse me,” came a small voice from behind Michelle. “Please, buckle your seatbelt, we’re about to take off.” She said shyly.

Sharing a knowing smile, the adults obeyed the instruction and sat up straight, but their hand found their way back together and their fingers intertwined. During their three hours trip, Owen kept on telling Michelle all about his son.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Owen practically ran into the hall to the reception desk. A queue of two people had formed in front of him and, despite his frustration, the captain considered himself lucky not to find more. Michelle stayed close, holding his arm firmly, a way to prevent him from running through the hospital hallways, yelling his son’s name.

“Come on, come on, come on!” He muttered, his body vibrating with anxiety.

“Just breathe, Owen! It’s only a matter of minutes now before you see him.”

But maybe that’s what terrified him, she thought. From what he told her, he hasn’t seen his son in years. She couldn’t blame him for being apprehensive.

“Wouldn’t it be quicker if…”

“No!” She interrupted him, knowing exactly what he wanted.

Sighing in defeat, Owen plunged his hand in his pocket and looked around. Despite his growing nervousness, he noticed the people in the waiting room and the look on their faces. They were scared, just like him. They all came here for different reasons, for different people, but the fear to lose their friend, son, parent or relative was the same and Owen couldn’t help but feel guilty at how he barged in, hoping and praying no one would bother him. He realized that, as a firefighter, he should have been more thoughtful of others' pain, but he wasn’t a firefighter right now, he was a dad whose son needed him. After what felt like an eternity, the person in front of them walked away allowing the captains to move to the reception, ready to explain why they were here.

“Hello, I’m…” he stopped mid-sentence when the woman at the desk barely looked at him. Closing his fists, he waited to see if she would have the decency to look him in the eyes, but her attention never left her computer screen. Exceeded by her lack of consideration, he slammed his hand on the counter, making every person around jump off their skin. When he finally had her attention, he thanked her and continued. “I'm looking for my son, I need to know what room he’s in. His name is Evan Buckley.”

The woman gave him a look between annoyance and fear and quickly typed on her computer “I’m sorry, but I cannot find his name.”

“Is this a joke?” He asked in a low, menacing tone before raising his voice. “My son is in this fucking hospital, check again!”

“Sir, I’d like to help you, but if I couldn’t find your son’s name…”

“I don’t think I am asking for the moon. I am just asking for you to do YOUR DAMN JOB!!!!”

Michelle yanked on his arm, trying to make him face her but he wouldn't budge.

“What’s going on here?” A nurse asked as she arrived at the reception.

“This man claims that his son’s been brought here last night, but I cannot find him in our data.”

The nurse, clearly more compassionate and professional than her colleague turned to Owen and asked for his son’s name.

“Evan. His name’s Evan Buckley.”

The nurse looked slightly ashamed. “I’m sorry, sir! It's entirely my fault. Your son had no I.D on him when he came, so we treated him as a John Doe. We only discovered his name a few hours ago and we haven’t updated his case. Follow me, please.”

Sighing in relief, Owen had to restrain himself from engulfing the nurse in his arms and drowning her under a torrent of thanks. Instead, he followed her to the second floor and through the corridors. She opened the door of his room and Owen heard a small voice, who did not belong to his son or to the nurse, speak.

“Do you have any updates? He kept asking for his dad and I didn’t know what to tell him.”

The softness of her voice and the affection held in it acted as a balm on Owen’s heart.

“Well, good thing I brought reinforcements,” she answered as she moved to let the captains walk into the room.

As he entered the room, Owen barely acknowledged the young girl, his attention focused on his son’s sleepy form. His breath hitched in his throat at the view of a man he barely recognized. He stepped forward, taking place on the bed, completely ignoring the three women. His hand started to comb his son’s dirty blond hair mildly.

Michelle broke the silence first, speaking to the young girl. “Sorry, I’m Michelle Blake and this is Evan’s father, Owen Strand.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, I’m Emma.” She paused and looked at Owen. “Your son saved me mister Strand. He’s a hero.”

“That he is,” he conceded absent-mindedly. 

“How did he save you?” Michelle asked, curious.

“I don’t know how to swim and my classmates thought it would be fun to push me in the water and film me.”

“Hilarious,” Michelle replied with a flat tone.

“I was about to drown when he jumped in the water to save me.”

Nurse Taylor watched their interaction and couldn’t help but add. “Emma stayed with Evan the whole time, refusing to leave his side.”

Turning his head towards the teenager, Owen looked at her with wide eyes. “Really?”

“He risked his life for me, it was the least I can do,” she answered, rubbing the back of her neck, “and I didn’t want him to wake up alone.”

“Thank you, Emma. It was very kind of you.”

The young girl looked back and forth between Owen and his son and smiled. “He saved me, on many plans. I’ll never thank him enough.” She squeezed Evan’s hand and left the room with Nurse Taylor. As the doors of the elevator opened, the teenager came face to face with Athena. “Sergent Grant? What are you doing here?” She asked as she entered the small space.

“I was coming to help you with your John Doe, do you still need my help?” Athena asked.

Emma smirked and pushed a button. “No, you were right. His dad just arrived from Texas.” She said as she looked at Athena, arms crossed. The adult gave her a pointed look and she knew exactly what she wanted to say. “Go ahead, say it!”

The elevator arrived at the ground floor and Athena snickered. “Oh, far from me the idea to say ‘I told you so’.” She stepped out of the elevator and added. “But I warned you!”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


As the door of the room closed, Evan stirred in his sleep, feeling the simple contact of a warm hand on his head. As he lazily opened his eyes, a bright smile formed on his lips and his eyes watered. “You’re here,” he uttered, his voice a hoarse whisper.

“Of course! I promised to always be here for you.”

“Dad!” Evan whined painfully. “Take me with you! Please!”

Owen’s eyes widened at the request. Last month, the idea of having to choose between his team and his family pained him, and today, he was begging him to take him away. But how could Owen turn him down when he had craved for so long to hear these words? He simply couldn't. Throwing his son a reassuring smile, Owen opened his mouth when the door flew open, letting in Evan’s doctor.

“Mr. Strand, correct? I’m doctor Chambers, can I have a word with you?”

Owen nodded and kissed Evan’s temple. “I’ll be right back.”

Michelle followed the two men outside, not wanting to leave her friend alone even just a few minutes. 

“Something’s wrong with Evan?” Owen asked.

“I’m afraid yes. We ran some tests when he woke up, including a psychological check-up and noticed several troubling symptoms such as a loss of appetite, muscle aches, foggy mind, tiredness…”

Owen raised his hand, not liking what this doctor started to imply. “Look! I appreciate what you all did for my son, but it’s ok now, I’m going to take him home with me and **I** ’ll take care of him.” He said, emphasizing the 'I'.

“I’m afraid this won’t be possible, sir!”

“Why not?” Owen asked with a raised eyebrow.

The simple question made Michelle’s body stiffen. From the corner of her eyes, she could see the fire captain’s clenched jaw, his tight fists and the intensity of his ice-cold gaze as he stared at the doctor.

“These are the symptoms of depression. I don’t doubt that you love your son and want to take care of him but he will be better here, in our psychological war…”

His words were cut off by Owen’s hand grabbing the collar and pushing him against the wall. “I forbid you!”

“OWEN!” Michelle grabbed his arm, convinced him to let the doctor go and pushed him a few steps away.

Despite the aggression, the doctor remained as calm as possible. “Sir, I suggest you leave this hospital before I call the cops and have you charged for assault.”

That threat only flared Owen’s fury. “They better be quick then, otherwise, by the time they get here I’m gonna be charged for murder!!”

“Owen!” Michelle groaned, grabbing his face with her hands, forcing him to focus on her. “Stop it! I’m gonna talk to him. Stay with Evan!”

The simple mention sufficed for convincing Owen to regulate his breathing and contain his anger. With a slight nod, he pushed Michelle's hands off his face and went to Evan's room.

“I’m sorry, doctor.” Michelle apologized, even though a part of her didn’t want to.

“Thanks, you're nicer than your friend.” He said, straightening his coat.

“He’s just worried for his son, but you, you are a disappointment as a doctor.”

“Excuse me?” He asked, outraged.

Michelle crossed her arms in defiance. “What do you know about your patient? Except for his symptoms.”

Chambers opened his mouth awkwardly, eyes staring at the ceiling in search of something, but he found nothing to say. Flustered, he shook his head. “Why should I answer you?”

“His name is Evan Buckley, born in July 1992, he’s a Cancer. Just like his astrological sign, his family is the most important thing in his life. He doesn't have a favorite color, knows ASL and how to play guitar." She paused and gave him a pointed look. "You would know those things if you treated your patients like people, not like numbers. Also, let me tell you why your diagnosis is wrong. You forgot the most important detail.”

“And what is it?” He asked arrogantly.

“Evan is a firefighter, and as a first responder, he’s more than likely to develop PTSD.” The doctor scoffed but she didn’t let him speak. “Now that you have all the information, you can go and tell a nurse to bring us the discharge papers.”

Turning her back to him, she headed back towards Evan’s room but saw the two men deep in conversation, and judging by the tears running on Evan’s face, it wasn’t a happy conversation. Preferring not to interrupt the two, she exited the hospital and headed towards Station 118.

The sun slowly started to rise on the horizon. Looking around, she searched for a taxi. She spotted it and climbed up before giving the address of Station 118.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Getting out of the taxi, Michelle looked at the fire station and couldn’t help but suppress a laugh at the thought that she preferred her station. She knew she should’ve told Owen first about her decision to drop by Evan’s firehouse to collect his belongings, but she guessed that the Captain wouldn’t want to waste any minute to take his son out of L.A as soon as he could leave the hospital. She wouldn’t be surprised if he had already booked their plane tickets. With a chuckle, she entered Station 118. It felt weird for her to enter someone else’s station. It felt like invading someone’s house. Fortunately for her, the station was empty when she entered. She trucks weren’t there so she guessed the current crew was out on a call. Not that it mattered, she just had to collect Evan’s belongings and leave. She found the locker room pretty easily, well, she actually smelled it before seeing it. She entered cautiously and frowned when she saw one of the lockers open. She approached it and discovered it empty. Curious, she closed its door and gasped, putting a hand over her heart. The tag name of the locker said ‘Buckley’, she had the right one, but she never expected it to be vandalized. Someone had written the word ‘ _TRAITOR_ ’ in capital letters all over the locker door. Resolute to report such behavior, she took her phone out and took a picture. She opened it again and looked at the empty content with consternation.

“What are you doing here?” Growled a voice behind her.

Turning around, she discovered a Hispanic man standing at the entrance of the room, glaring daggers at her. She expected that reaction, firefighters tended to be territorial when it came to their station. She shared the feeling. “I’m just looking for something.” She answered innocently.

“In my best friend’s locker?”

Raising an eyebrow at the man, Eddie, she thought and repeated his statement incredulously. “Your best friend?”

“Is that a problem?” He asked in defiance.

“Not at all! But then maybe you can explain to me,” she stopped and slammed Evan’s locker closed, “what this means?”

For a brief moment, she swore she saw guilt crossing his features.

"I don’t have to answer a civilian,” he growled as he stepped forward, dropping a bag on a bench.

“Well, good thing I’m not a civilian.” She retorted. “Captain Blake, chief paramedic, Station 126, Austin F.D.”

He stepped forward again, his angry face now a few inches away from hers. “What are you doing here?” He asked again.

“I don’t have to answer you,” she retorted, her face held high in defiance.

“ANSWER ME!!!” He yelled as he punched the locker behind her.

Michelle barely quivered, not impressed with the man’s tantrum. “I’m here to collect Evan’s belongings. That’s all you’ll know.”

Flinching at the name, Eddie got off her, took the bag he put on the bench, opened it, and emptied its content on the floor before throwing the bag in the room. “Suit yourself.” He didn’t let her say something and headed out of the room, but her voice stopped him.

“Does it help to get the anger out?” She paused. “The fighting, I mean?”

He turned around and looked at her with a panicked expression.

“If you don’t want people to notice, you should hide your bruises better than that and maybe stop hissing under the pain, even silently.” She said, whispering the last part to mock him.

Tired of being mocked by a stranger, he turned around and quickly made his way upstairs. He stayed close to the railing so he could watch her leave with his best friend’s things. He didn’t know why he so easily let a stranger walk away with Evan’s bag. He tried to convince himself he just didn’t care, but a part of him saw the empathy in her eyes and thought maybe there was at least one person who looked after his best friend, but could he still call him that after what he did? 

He watched as Captain Blake got out of the locker room, reading a text as she made her way out of the station.

“Who was that?” Athena asked as she climbed the stairs.

Eddie shrugged nonchalantly, not eager to start a conversation with anyone. “Don’t know, some chief paramedic from Texas.”

“What did you say?” The Sergeant asked with a frown on her face.

“Chief paramedic. Texas.”

Athena looked at the entrance of the station where the stranger disappeared, a bad feeling churning her guts. “What did she want?”

“She came to collect Evan’s belongings.” He answered flatly.

Shocked, she turned her head abruptly at her. “Did she say why?” She asked, but Eddie just shook his head. “Then why did you give her?” She yelled as she ran towards the entrance of the building.

Eddie watched her leave and simply growled. “Don’t know, don’t care!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Athena's investigation! Be prepared :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo everyone!
> 
> Are you ready for chapter 4? I hope yes!
> 
> I worked really hard for this one, hope you'll like it ;=)
> 
> Enjoy!

Athena rushed down the stairs as soon as Eddie stated that the woman she just saw leaving the station came from Texas. It wasn’t a conscious decision, more like an instinctive reaction. Something in her mind screamed that she needed to catch this stranger before she left.

Bobby met her at the bottom of the stairs, just arriving to begin his shift. He beamed at the sight of his wife rushing down the stairs to meet him. “Hey, darling!” He exclaimed as he put his arms around her waist.

Athena struggled in his arms and bypassed him with a loud “Not now!” Before running towards the entrance of the station. But by the time she got there, their intruder had disappeared. 

“Is something wrong?” Bobby asked as he came by her side.

The Sergeant looked at the almost empty streets and shrugged internally. “I have no idea, but I’m about to find out!”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


“I’m so sorry, dad!” Evan apologized as hot tears fell down his cheeks.

Owen watched his son drowning himself under a torrent of guilt and sadness, and all he could do was watch him, powerless. He knew his son so well, knew his golden heart and his need to make other people smile by only sharing the bright side of his life, and by extension, always hiding his pain from them. Evan became incredibly good at putting on a fake smile and saying everything was fine, but Owen always thought he could penetrate his lies. He knew he should be devastated, but instead, he felt his anger building and growing like a raging fire. As a firefighter, you had a team backing you and you should always be able to count on them. However, Evan’s team abandoned him, giving him no other choice than to fight his battles alone. “Don’t be sorry, son! I’m proud of you!”

Eyes shut tight, Evan shook his head. “No, you can’t!”

“Yes, I can!” Owen retorted, taking his son’s face in his hands. “I am so proud of your strength and I’m so sorry I let you went through this alone. But it’s ok now, I’m here, you can lean on me now.”

Relieved to have the unconditional love of his dad, Evan moved forward and hid his face in his father’s neck, sobbing harder. Owen put one hand on the back of his head while the other soothingly stroked his back. A few minutes later, as Evan’s tears ran out, his body started to feel heavy. Owen carefully pushed him back against his pillow and pulled the sheets higher on his chest. Dropping back on the chair next to the bed, the captain noticed for the first time the notepad on the nightstand. As his eyes met the item, an idea crossed his mind. Exiting the room quietly, he asked a nurse for a pen and came back, sat down on the chair and started scribbling on the paper. Official reports had no more secrets for him now and he congratulated himself to be able to improvise a report on a blank page.

A few minutes later, Michelle came back to Evan’s room. She entered so quietly that Owen didn’t notice. Something who did not surprise her when she saw him scribbling fast on a paper. She dropped the bag by the door and sneaked up behind him, making her presence go noticed when she put her hands on the captain’s shoulders. He jumped a little in surprise and relaxed right after, letting his head drop back against her stomach.

“Hey!” He whispered hoarsely, closing his eyes as she laid her hand on his brow.

“Hey, yourself!” She answered just as lowly.

“Where were you?”

“I went to Station 118,” she said, making Owen’s eyes flew open instantly, “to collect Evan’s belongings. Thought he would need it for his new life.”

“That was very thoughtful of you, thank you.” He replied with a lazy smile.

Chuckling, she moved the hand on his brow to his shoulder and massaged them, noticing how emotionally drained he looked. “What did you talk about when I left? Didn’t look like a happy conversation.”

Owen stiffened under the question. “Evan told me about everything he went through these past few months.”

Taking her phone out, she clicked on the photo she took and showed it to her friend. “Does it have anything to do with that?”

Owen took the phone from her hand and looked at the picture with a murderous expression. “What the…”

“Don’t worry, I am planning on reporting this," she told him as she took back her phone, "as well as his best friend’s new hobby. This should make his transfer go quicker, don’t you think?”

“Thanks! I really don’t know what I would do without you?”

“Well, you can start by signing the discharge papers. A nurse is waiting for you.”

With a tired groan, Owen got up from the uncomfortable chair. “Do you mind waking him up while I sign the papers?”

“Absolutely! I’ll use this opportunity to finally introduce myself.”

Owen shut his eyes closed and shook his head, feeling stupid for forgetting not having introduced Michelle to Evan sooner. He left the room and headed for the nurse’s station where a petite brunette gave him the discharge papers to sign.

“Excuse me!” A woman almost shouted as she placed herself beside Owen, making the captain jump in surprise. “I need to see one of your patients!”

The nurse eyed her up and down curiously. “Are you a member of the family?”

“No! I’m Sergeant Grant, LAPD! I need information about a patient brought here and treated as a John Doe.” 

Owen’s grip on the pen tightened, the name ringing an alarm bell in his head. Of all the people in his boy’s life, she had to be the one looking for him! Until now, Owen never believed in good or bad luck, but he started doubting this belief. Fortunately for him, the nurse refused to let her even see him if she wasn’t family. 

“I just need to see him, please!”

“I’m sorry.” The nurse apologized with a shake of the head.

Owen handed her the discharge papers and watched her leave. He knew he should go too but he saw Athena from the corner of his eyes put her head in her hands, elbows resting on the counter. She seemed like she gave up and a small voice in his head took pity of her but he sternly reminded himself that her simple presence threatened his family. "Looking for someone?" He asked innocently.

Crossing her arms on the counter, she turned her head towards him and sighed. "Guess you could say that. You?"

"Same, but I found him! Now, back to Austin." He teased her.

Athena’s head snapped towards him, curiosity and hopes clear on her traits. “What made you come here, in L.A?” She asked almost innocently.

Digging in his back pocket, Owen took his phone, touched a picture and showed it to her. “I came to take my baby boy home.”

Athena watched the photo carefully, brown hair, green eyes, no birthmarks. It wasn’t him. Her face crumpled and the hopes slowly faded away. Clearing her throat, she gave Owen back his phone. “A bit old for a baby.”

“Well, when you love them, it doesn’t matter how old they are, they’ll always be your babies.”

“Yes, they are,” she answered with a distant voice. “I have to go! Have a nice trip!”

Owen watched her leave, muttering a small ‘thanks’. When she finally left his sight, he quickly moved to Evan’s room and watched her son and Michelle in a passionate conversation. He hated to interrupt but he wanted them to leave the hospital right now. “Come on, guys! You’ll finish your conversation in the car, we need to go!”

“Is there a reason why you’re in such a hurry?” Asked Evan with a frown.

“Not really, just eager to take you home!”

Michelle eyed him curiously, sensing he wasn’t completely honest.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Athena drove through the city at high speed, never in her career had she driven so fast, but at the same time, when she woke up this morning, she could never have known how the day would turn. This day should’ve been special. She convinced her chief to make her start her shift later so she could spend the morning at the station, have breakfast with the team and inquire of Evan’s progress. Yet, when she arrived at the station, a woman she never saw before walked out of the locker room with a duffel bag in her hands. As a person, Athena always congratulated to be observant, and as a police officer, she improved this quality and developed a sort of sixth sense. That’s why the view of this stranger in her almost empty station troubled her, but above her, Eddie already glared at her so she thought he knew what happened, but his answer turned her world upside down. 

_Texas!_

Athena never really believed in coincidence, also, when she learns that a John Doe’s dad flying from Texas to get his son back and that a woman came to collect Evan’s belonging, it didn’t appear as a coincidence for her. She was certain that John Doe was Evan Buckley. However, she met the man’s father and he showed her a picture of his son who turned out not to be Evan. She couldn’t accept the possibility that she made a mistake but then she needed to discover the truth and the best place to start was Evan’s apartment, a part of her desperately wishing he was still there.

She finally reached his place and entered the building. Climbing the stairs two by two, she quickly ended up in front of his door and started knocking. Nothing. She resumed her knocking and called out his name. After a few knocks, a door behind her opened.

“Stop knocking! He’s not here!”

Athena turned around and glared at the man who dared interrupt her. “Did I knock on your door?”

The man saw her uniform and slowly backed away, not wanting to fight with an officer.

Athena knocked a few more times and when she received no response, exited the building. She went to the parking lot and didn’t saw Evan’s car. She could wait for him, but the fear of not knowing what happened to him made her take out her phone and dialled a number.

“Thena?”

“Hi, Angie! You owe me a service, remember?”

She heard a sigh on the other end of the phone followed by a sound of agreement.

“I need you to track down a car for me.”

“License plate?” She asked nonchalantly.

“7RNA148”

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll text you the location.” She replied as she hung up. 

Athena climbed in her car and drove around, ready to receive the precious information. A few minutes later, she received the address and sped up. She arrived in front of a house and found the Jeep parked outside and recognized Evan’s one right away. But what was he doing here, in this neighbourhood?

As she asked herself the question, she noticed a couple getting out of their house and heading towards the Jeep.

“Can I help you, officer?” Asked the first one.

Athena had to control her breathing for a second. The man who asked her the question looked similar to Evan, tall with blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes. “Yes! Can you tell me where you got this car?”

The blond man frowned, not understanding why she questioned him about it but answered. “We saw an add online, a guy named Evan wanted to get rid of it.”

“Did he say why?”

“Only that he needed the money to pay his lawyer.” He answered with a shrug.

Nodding distractedly, Athena thanked them and climbed back in her car. In a way, that was good news. Evan sold his Jeep to pay his lawyer, not to prepare himself to leave L.A. She repeated that statement over and over again until she reached his place and climbed the stairs again but knocked on a different one.

Evan’s neighbour opened the door and a smirked spread his lips. “So you did knock on my door this time?”

“And you better get rid of that hideous grin before I knock you out, got it?”

The neighbour nodded, losing his smile.

“Earlier you said Evan wasn’t there. How did you know?”

“He hasn’t been in his apartment for weeks, maybe more.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, ask the landlord!” He answered before closing his door.

Athena stepped back, confusion written all over her features. Why did Evan stop living in his apartment for weeks? Did he get rid of it? Her previous encounter taught her that he sold his Jeep because he needed the money to pay for his lawyer. Was it enough or did he had to let go of the apartment? But more importantly, if Evan didn’t live in his apartment, where did he live these past few weeks? She wouldn’t learn anything new from the neighbour so Athena moved to the next source of information: The landlord.

She found him at the entrance, cleaning the floor. “Hello, are you the landlord?”

The fifty-something man had his back turned to her and groaned. “What do you want?” He asked as he turned around, his face grim, but as he saw her uniform, his face morphed into a big smile. “Sorry, officer! How can I help you?”

“It’s Sergeant!” She growled. “Can you tell me why Evan Buckley deserted his apartment?”

“Who?”

Athena stopped herself from yelling when she saw the frown on his face, clearly not remembering Evan’s name. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she prayed any deity to stop her from killing the man. “Evan Buckley, apartment 3b.”

“Oh yeah! The weirdo in 3b! I evicted him!” He said, resuming his sweeping.

Mouth agape, she looked at him in shock. “Why?”

Stopping, the man sighed painfully as if he bore the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Why do you want to know?”

“It’s none of your concern! Why did you evict him?”

“You may be a Sergeant but I don’t have to tell you!”

At the phrase, Athena’s anger erupted like a volcano. She pushed the man against the wall by pressing her elbow against his throat. “And you don’t have to breathe too! Now answer me!”

Despite his difficulty to breathe, the man managed to speak. “I didn’t have a choice! Two months ago, I started receiving complaints about him by his neighbours. They said he screamed at night.”

“What was he screaming about?”

“I don’t know! But I started receiving more and more complaints! People wanted him out, so I evicted him!”

Athena processed these new pieces of information and slowly let go but kicked him in the groin with her knee before heading out. 

“I’m gonna call the police!” The man’s high pitched voice echoed.

“I am the police!” Athena answered.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


“I saw her, at the hospital,” Owen said, pacing, as he watched his son from afar buying himself something to eat.

“Who?” Michelle asked distractedly from her chair as she finished writing down her report.

“Athena Grant! She’s a Sergeant and she was looking for him.”

Raising her head, Michelle gave Owen a questioning look. “Why did a Sergeant searched for your son?”

“Because she’s not any Sergeant, she knows Evan. They’re close like…”

“Like mother and son?” She finished. “Owen, why didn’t you tell him?”

“Because he’s my son!” He almost yelled. “He asked **me** to take him home!”

Taking his hand in hers, she made him sit next to her and looked him in the eyes. “I am not judging you, Owen. I’m just saying, this is another secret added to the list.”

“Guess if my cancer cannot kill me, my secrets can’t, no?”

Michelle winced, they successfully avoided the cancer topic for a long time and she preferred to keep it that way, so she handled him her report. “Well, in the meantime, this is not a lie and will help for his transfer.”

Accepting the notepad, Owen took a picture of their reports and sent it to their chief.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


As she drove away, she continued to process what she just learned. She didn’t know if she should be more shocked about the fact that Evan lives in the streets or about the reason behind his eviction. What reason? Even for her, the answer was not clear, the only thing she knew was that he screamed at night. Maybe he was with someone, maybe he argued over the phone. She knew the lawsuit broke his relationship with the team but did it lead to heated arguments? She should ask Bobby but a part of her always feared that the captain wasn’t truthful to her.

An hour passed and she had visited many shelters. Some of them have seen Evan once or twice, some never saw him. She slowly started to lose hope and had to constantly remind herself that her boy needed help. She arrived at a shelter called _Home At Last_. It was quaint but cozy. She navigated between the homeless, in search of Evan or something or even someone that could lead her to him but found nothing.

“Can I help you, Sergeant?” Asked a voice from behind him.

She turned around and faced a tall, bald man, probably around forty. “It depends. Who are you?”

“I run this place. My name’s Arthur, and you are…?”

“Athena Grant. I’m searching for someone, maybe you saw him. Tall, blond, a birthmark over the left eye.”

“Evan! Yeah, I remember him.”

“What can you tell me?”

“He came here two, maybe three weeks ago. He needed somewhere to sleep, but he didn’t stay long.”

“Why is that?”

Sighing, Arthur shook his head in shame. “I had to ask him not to come here anymore.”

Tired of hearing that people pushed him away instead of helping him, Athena had to clench her teeth real hard not to cry out of frustration. “I hope you had a very good reason.”

“When he arrived, he already showed signs of PTSD. It was manageable during the day, but it was worse at night.” He stopped himself to regulate his breathing. “Evan had night terrors.”

“What?” She asked, her voice a broken whisper. “How could you?”

“Don’t look at me like that! Evan was not the only one with PTSD, I feared he might get violent or that it angered others. I had other people to think about.”

Feeling nauseous, Athena brought a hand on her stomach and got up. “Just stop talking. You abandoned him.” She said as she made her way out. 

“You’re so prone to judge me,” Arthur said from behind her, “but if you care so much about him, where were you when he needed you?”

She didn’t answer, she felt too sick and too dizzy to even speak. She climbed in her car one last time and this time, headed home. She needed a safe place.

When she arrived, the sun already made her way down on the horizon. She entered the, fortunately, empty house and sat down on the couch, feeling numb. The deafening silence made her thoughts louder. She started her day, convinced it would lead her to him only to discover the abominable truth. The man she considered a son had been suffering non-stop these past few months and no one noticed, and she realized now that she lost him way before today. A tear escaped her as she realized she lost him, then another, and suddenly, she wasn’t able to hold them back anymore. Taking a cushion on her right, she pressed it against her face and used it to muffle her screams. She screamed as loud as she could, letting go of the anger, the frustration and the pain until darkness consumed her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Athena to have a conversation with the team!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I'm sorry, I kept you waiting!!! XD
> 
> This chapter was a tough one, and honestly, I fear that this one's not as good as the others, but I'll let you judge that.
> 
> Thank you again for all your amazing comments, I love you all!!!! :D
> 
> Enjoy!

Finally! They were back in Texas! Owen never thought he’d be that happy to see his new hometown again. But here he was, bringing Evan home, ready to reunite his family again after almost twenty years apart. Somehow, strangely, Owen couldn’t shake the fear of losing him once again, a ridiculous thought when he realized that this time, they both had an entire team to back them. Now that the Captain thought about it, he never had a team that united and that close before, both in their professional and personal lives. Yet, he still wondered how the team would react when he introduced Evan to them. Owen had no doubt they would love his boy but did they need to know everything about what he went through? Sure, they would want to protect him, but that also meant that they would walk on eggshells with him and if there was one thing he knew Evan hated, it was to be treated like a fragile person. 

“Dad?” 

Breaking out of his reverie, Owen looked at Michelle and Evan waiting for him. “Sorry, what?”

“The taxi’s here!” Michelle answered with a mocking grin. 

Realizing he had been standing there, gazing into space, Owen smiled awkwardly, climbed up in the car with them and sat on the middle seat. The ride was a quick one, but Evan’s head felt heavy and he couldn’t help but use his dad’s shoulder as a pillow, taking a small nap. Owen knew his son dreaded to fall asleep because of the nightmares, so he kissed the top of his head and let him have a short, dreamless nap.

When the taxi parked outside of their home. Owen woke Evan up and got them out of the car and the inside the house. Evan stayed silent the entire time, exploring instead, getting used to his new environment, looking like a scared kid. 

“I’ll show him his room!” Michelle exclaimed, guiding Evan upstairs and Owen used the opportunity to type a rapid message to TK.

Upstairs, Michelle opened the door at the end of the corridor and let him walk in first. Evan entered and watched the quaint room with a distant look on his face, then sat on the edge of the bed. “Thank you,” he whispered gazing at the floor, his hands fidgeting.

Seeing how uneasy he looked in his new environment, Michelle decided it was best for Owen to stay with him, but as she turned around she heard a sob escape Evan. Before she could turn back towards him, he cried harder. Sitting next to him, she put one arm around his shoulders and rocked him back and forth. “Hey! It’s gonna be okay, you’ll see!”

Making his way upstairs, Owen padded in the hallway to the open door of Evan’s room and saw him crying.

“Let it all out! I know it must be hard. You left everything and everyone behind you by coming here. You feel empty, but this feeling isn’t gonna last, especially when you’ll meet the 126.”

Owen watched his friend caressing his son’s back and whispering soothing words, suddenly, every doubt he had about Evan’s well being here disappeared, knowing he would finally receive the love he deserved here.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Slowly opening her eyes, Athena stared at her ceiling for a second. She couldn’t find the force or the will to move yet, her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and questions, but thanks to her breakdown, she completely let go of all the emotions that clouded her mind. Freed from her burden, she could go over everything she learned that day and try to fill in the void, but it was nearly impossible. Evan left Los Angeles with people close to him, but who were they? It was so hard to fill in these blanks when she knew so little about her boy. 

_My boy?_ She asked herself.

She hadn’t seen what was wrong, she let him tricked her into believing he was fine when inside, he was slowly dying! Dying from the cold attitude of the team and who knows what else. Did she still have the right to consider him her boy after letting him down?

“Of course I can!” She muttered as her anger rose and made her sit. 

She might have let him blinded her, but she never willingly gave up on him. But her worst fault was to believe every word Bobby said when he told her everything was fine.

Looking down at her wrist, Athena checked the time. 10 pm. The team’s shift was almost over. She got up from the couch, went to her bedroom and changed into street clothes. Not only was her shift over by now, but she needed to let go of the uniform and be herself. Taking her keys, she climbed in her car and drove towards the fire station. She parked in front, and from where she was, she could see that the trucks were gone, meaning they were still out there. Shutting her eyes closed, she cursed herself for what she planned to do, but she had no other choices. Taking her phone out, she typed a quick group message. 

_A- I need everyone at the station ASAP! Everyone!_

Exhaling deeply, she entered the firehouse and trudged up the stairs and stopped at the top when she noticed someone already waiting for the team at the dining table.

“Fire chief Sanderson?” She asked, shocked to see him here.

Untangling his hands from his salt and pepper hair, the chief looked up from his report and couldn’t help but smile at her. “Athena! What a pleasure to see you again!” He got up from his chair and shook her hand. “What are you doing here?”

“I wished to speak to the team about a private matter.” She answered honestly.

The chief seemed to catch on and invited her to sit next to him, pulling out a chair for her like a perfect gentleman. “Well, looks like we had the same idea.” He paused, glanced at her and whispered. “If you tell me why you’re here, I’ll let you in on a little secret.”

His childish attitude took her aback. Glancing at him, she held his serious gaze, but after a few seconds he started pulling a face and she could help but laugh at his antics. 

“There it is! That beautiful smile, you were way too serious when you walked in!”

“Tell me, how come a man who doesn’t take anything seriously can be Fire Chief?”

“That’s where you’re mistaken!” He refuted. “I do take some things seriously, hence my presence here. I came to talk to Bobby and his team about a serious matter, probably the same as yours.”

“Evan Buckley?” He nodded. “Why am I not surprised?” She sighed.

Chief Sanderson looked at her and pushed his reports towards her. “Athena, I just know bits and pieces unfortunately and I came here to ask for the version of the 118. However, if what’s in these reports are true, the 118’s version might be biased. You don’t owe me or the department anything, but you’re the only person I feel I can trust. Would you mind telling me everything you know?”

Eyes darting back and forth between the reports and Sanderson, Athena assessed her options and decided to take the reports. “Let me read them first.” She needed to know what she missed. 

While Athena read the two reports, Sanderson went to the sink and filled two glasses of water. Drinking it slowly, he watched her silently, seeing her anger building right under the surface. She kept it at bay but something told him that the 118 would be the spark that would make her explode.

She put the reports in front of her and turned her face towards him. “Looks like you know a lot of things already.”

“But not everything! I don’t know Evan Buckley that well and I regret it! I only heard amazing things about him, both as a person and a firefighter. I know what the reports say, but he’s not a quitter! He’s strong and determined and all those rejections would only make him want to fight!” He stopped and took a deep breath. “He’s too strong to quit. So, my question is what happened to him?”

“You read what happened to him and the consequences it had on the professional front.”

Frowning, Sanderson asked. “How did it affect him on the personal plan?”

Athena opened her mouth, ready to share everything she discovered when they heard the trucks coming back. “Guess you’ll learn at the same time as them.”

Straightening up on their chair, Athena and Sanderson waited for the team to join them. As they got out of their trucks, their fit of laughter echoed in the silent firehouse. From what the duo heard from upstairs, the team was mocking the victim they just saved because of the ridiculousness of the situation. But as their laughter died down, Athena recognized other voices asking questions. Curious, Bobby and the rest of the team climbed up the stairs and laid eyes on Sanderson and Athena. 

“Chief? ‘Thena? What are you doing here?” Bobby asked.

The Sergeant decided to speak first. “We were waiting for you, honey! The Fire Chief and I just had an interesting conversation.” She paused and looked at her husband dead on. “We need to talk.”

Bobby looked uneasy but stepped forward to sit in front of her while the rest of the team slowly backed away, but the Chief didn’t let them. “All of you! Sit down!”

Sharing confused and worried looks, the team trudged towards the seats in front of the duo.

“What about us? Why are we here?” Maddie asked as she pointed to Michael, May, Henry, Karen and Denny.

Athena’s face softened at the sight of her family. “Take a seat next to us, what we need to talk about concerns everyone.”

As the rest of the family took place on the remaining seats, Sanderson spoke. “Alright! Maybe you guessed the topic of our discussion, but if not, Sergeant Grant and I are here to talk to you about firefighter Evan Buckley!”

“I knew it!” Eddie muttered under his breath, earning an equally menacing glare from Athena and Sanderson, making him sit straighter.

“Chief, with all due respect, Evan Buckley…”

“Captain Nash!” Sanderson interrupted him. “I suggest you keep your mouth shut and let us speak first. Trust me, it’ll be less embarrassing for you.” Glancing at the papers in front of Athena, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Today, I received not one but two reports about your station. They brought out new pieces of information, interesting ones I must say.”

“What kind of new information?” Bobby asked.

Taking the first reports in his hand, Sanderson read it out loud.

“ _From Captain Owen STRAND_

_Station 126, Austin Fire Department._

_Fire Chief SANDERSON,_

_As a Fire Captain, it is my duty to report any behaviours or acts harming a fellow firefighter. Today, I am reporting on Station 118’s attitude towards my son, firefighter Evan Buckley. As you may alright know, my son sued the city a few months ago after being denied the right to be a firefighter by his own Captain. As a Fire Captain, I know his reaction was extreme, however, during the arbitration, his lawyer proved that Captain Nash treated him differently. Moreover, the fact that my son technically won the lawsuit by turning down the settlement is another proof that his action was justified._

_But the lawsuit isn’t the problem. My report concerns Captain Nash’s retaliations. First, he threatened him, saying he might regret his decision to come back. Turns out he did when Captain Nash, then, forbade him to go on calls, putting him on chores duty instead. And if this wasn’t humiliating enough, the entire station gave him the cold shoulder and completely shunned him.”_ Stopping his reading, Sanderson looked at Bobby expectantly.

“His father?” Bobby asked, incredulous.

The Chief raised his eyebrows at him. “That’s all you got from this report?”

“What do you want me to say? That everything written in this report is a lie? No, it’s not.”

“What?” Maddie asked as she looked at the captain in betrayal. “You pushed him away? All of you?”

“Hen, is that true?” Karen asked.

Hen looked at her wife, then at the team. No one seemed to be ready to speak out so she did it first. “It’s complicated, we felt betrayed!”

“Oh! So Bobby going to the higher-ups behind Buck’s back wasn’t a betrayal? Maddie asked.

“You weren’t there!” Eddie almost yelled. “Evan gave his lawyer personal information and he didn’t hesitate to use them against us at the arbitration!”

“That’s a lawyer’s job, Eddie, calm down!” Michael tried to temper.

“I was asked about my dead wife!” 

“And what did he ask you?” Sanderson asked.

“I beg your pardon?” Eddie asked.

“You heard me! What did he ask you?” He asked again, but this time, he didn’t let him talk. “Let me guess. He asked you how a firefighter who just lost his wife could come back to work after just a few weeks? Correct.” When he received a nod he continued. “Now, tell me what you answered.”

“None of your business,” Eddie grunted.

“ _None of your business!_ Is that how a mature grown-up answers a question?” He waited for an answer who never came. “Despite what you think, that lawyer never wanted to hurt you, he just wanted to make you understand that you benefited special treatment from your captain. Evan Buckley did everything that was asked of him, the PT, the recertifications, the therapy sessions, all of it. And you? You just came back one day, said ‘I’m ready to work’ and everyone welcomed you with open arms. How is that fair?”

“It wasn’t! Here, I said it! Are you happy?”

“Not yet,” Sanderson whispered and looked at Athena.

“Let me read the second report.

_From Chief Paramedic Michelle BLAKE._

_Station 126, Austin Fire Department._

_Fire Chief SANDERSON_

_I am writing you this short report because I think it is my duty to notify you of the disturbing things I witnessed at Station 118. I went there to collect Evan Buckley’s belongings. I thought he left some of his things in his locker so I went there and the first thing that caught my eye was the sight of an open locker, without a padlock. Turns out it was Firefighter Buckley’s locker. But what shocked me the most was I saw when I closed it. I attached a photo to this report, as I have no word to describe this.”_ Athena stopped there, took the picture attached to the report and showed it to the team. “Care to explain to me who did this?”

“Mom, what’s wrong?” May asked.

Athena held her gaze on the team as she put the picture on the table, in front of the others. Their gasps of shock echoed loudly in the silent station as the vivid image of how Buck was treated hit them. “So?” She asked Bobby who shrugged.

“Probably someone from B Squad.”

“Really? What do you think, Diaz?”

Eddie, who remained silent during the exchange, shrugged nonchalantly.

“Wait, you don’t think Eddie did it, right?”

Instead of answering her husband, Athena continued her reading. “ _This act of vandalism should not be tolerated in a firehouse and I entrust you, Fire Chief SANDERSON, to do what’s necessary to find the persons to blame. However, this discovery wasn’t the only disturbing thing I noticed. I met a firefighter, Eddie Diaz, who questioned me about my reasons to be present in his station. During our exchange, I noticed, from his behaviour, bruises located on his chest and ribs. Moreover, his inability to control his anger was rather worrying. All these facts proved to me that Firefighter Buckley worked in a toxic environment.”_

The silence around the table was deafening, and suddenly, every head turned towards Eddie. Michelle didn’t precisely explain what she thought about the bruises and the anger, but the meaning was clear. Clenching his teeth, Eddie looked at Athena, tears of frustration in his eyes. “So that’s why you came here! Buck went to cry about his pain so Saint Athena came here to point an accusing finger at us!”

“He never came to me to complain about his pain, and because of you he never will!” Athena answered simply, earning everyone’s attention.

“What?”

“Pointing an accusing finger at the team was the Chief’s goal, mine was to tell you how we all failed Evan Buckley, me the first.” She said as she took a deep breath, readying herself to put what she learned into words. “It started last night when I met one of May’s friends, Emma. That girl had been brought to the E.R the night before after her classmates threw her in the water because she didn’t know how to swim and they thought it would be funny to film her.”

“Hilarious!” Muttered the Chief.

“She almost drowned when a man saved her and almost drowned himself. That man had no I.D on him and I offered Emma to help her identify him. However, by the time I came back, Emma told me John Doe’s father flew from Texas to take him home.”

Out of everyone, only Eddie’s head snapped at the mention of Texas and frowned, not liking where this story went.

“You know me, I don’t believe in coincidences! So, when I arrived this morning and Eddie told me a woman from Austin came to collect Buck’s things, I imagined the worst. I drove back to the hospital to see if John Doe was Buck. I met his father there and I could get him to show me a picture of his son.” She stopped and looked at the hope building in everyone’s eyes and realized she must’ve looked like that when he searched for that picture. “But it wasn’t Buck.”

Around the table, everyone let out a sigh of relief, some involuntarily. 

“Needless to say that I was completely lost. I decided to investigate. I started by his apartment, but he never answered the door. I searched for his car and discovered he sold it to pay his lawyer. So I went back to the apartment and his neighbour told him Buck stopped coming home weeks, maybe months ago. I didn’t understand so I asked the landlord, who told me he evicted Evan from his apartment two months ago.” 

Confused looks were shared, silently asking who knew about this. No one!

“Why did he do that?” Bobby asked.

“Apparently, his neighbours started to complain more and more about him, saying he screamed at night. At first, I thought he was arguing with someone over the phone, maybe you, maybe his lawyer. But I was wrong.” She took a deep breath and concentrated to keep her feelings at bay. “Since he had no homes, I searched for him in the shelters and found the last one he went to, only to discover that the man who runs kicked Buck out of there.”

A series of ‘what’ and other insults against Arthur erupted around the table, no one understood how someone could be kicked out of a shelter, it didn’t make sense for anyone. When they all calmed down, they looked at Athena, who gazed into space, unable to say more.

“Mom,” May’s soft voice whispered, her watery eyes begging her to continue.

Turning towards her daughter, Athena ran her fingers through her long hair and found in her eyes the force to continue. “He had night terrors.”

May watched in fear the faces of everyone around her fall. “What. What is that?”

“Night terrors in adults, are often the symptoms of a serious form of PTSD. It’s like having a nightmare, but worse. You partially wake up, screaming and flailing. An episode can last a few minutes.” The Chief answered grimly.

Getting up from her chair, May ran outside, her desperate sobs echoing in the station, followed closely by Harry and Michael.

“I need some air!” Karen exclaimed, a hand on her heart and tears in her eyes.

“I saw nothing!” Whispered Maddie in shock. “My brother was homeless for weeks, suffered PTSD for months, and I saw nothing!”

“Maddie! You can’t blame yourself!” Chimney reassured her.

“You’re right!” She answered, looking at the team. “This is your fault! All of you!” Knocking her chair down as she got up, Maddie stormed out of the station.

Sanderson watched every family member of the team leave, their heartbroken by what they learned. He too was processing what Athena said. “Look! I think it’s enough for tonight. Go home, think about what you did and how you could do better because I don’t know if you can fix the mess you created. But you can still hope to become better persons.” Getting up from his chair, he squeezed Athena's shoulder before turning to the team. “I’ll see you all tomorrow to talk about disciplinary measures.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!
> 
> I almost finished the chapter that should have been chapter 6 but during the writing, I read your comments and I remembered that many of you wanted to see the 118 pay (at least a little for what they did to Buck), and also because QOTSA wished to see the aftermath of chapter 5 on the team ^^
> 
> Enjoy :)

“Mama?” Denny asked as he slipped under the covers.

“Yes, baby?” Karen answered as she sat on the edge of his bed.

“Did mommy do something bad to Uncle Buck?”

Chewing on her bottom lip, she had to keep herself from crying all over again as she thought about what the blond had been through, but, as not to frighten her son she tried to keep a smile on. “Yes and no.”

Frowning, Denny asked her. “How can it be both?”

Karen huffed out a laugh at her son’s question, her boy always loved to be precise. She sniffed before answering. “Well, there’s a saying that that says ‘If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem”. Bucky was sick, honey.”

“The PTSD?” He asked hesitantly.

“Yes!” Karen answered with a vigorous nod. “He had it for months and even if no one knew, we all saw that he was sad, and what do we do when someone we love is sad?”

“We help them.”

“That’s right! But your mom didn’t help Uncle Buck, it was bad of her, but you have to know she never wanted to hurt him.”

Nodding absent-mindedly, Denny thought about the difference between a good action, a bad one and a nuanced one. When he saw his mother extend her hand to turn off the bedside lamp, Denny called her in a small voice. “Mama?”

Turning her head towards him, she frowned. Deeny seemed to want to ask something but looked unsure. “Yes, what is it? You know you can talk to me.”

Deeny seemed to ponder her answer for a moment. “I didn’t want to, but I think I forgot how Uncle Buck smiled.” Despite his brave face, Karen saw a single tear escaping his eye, and slowly descended his cheek.

Wiping it away tenderly, she answered honestly. “I think I forgot it too.” She kissed his head and turned off the bedside lamp before padding in her own bedroom. She stopped at the door, seeing the bed emptied of her wife’s presence. “Hen?” She called out but received no answer. Looking around, she noticed the lights on in the living room, followed by soft noises.

Hen sat on the floor, looking through boxes of family pictures.

“Hen, what are you doing?” Karen asked.

“I can’t find it!” The paramedic answered angrily, but her attitude didn’t deter her wife.

“It’s late, you need to sleep.” She sat on the floor beside Hen and caressed her back. “Come back to bed.”

Despite her calm exterior, Karen’s heart still suffered greatly, from the pain of knowing Buck suffered during all those times and her anger at the team’s mistreatment. She wanted to be angry at the world, including her wife, but seeing her in the middle of the living room, rummaging through old photo boxes broke her heart even more. 

“Why can’t I find it?!” Hen growled as she took the box and spilled the content on the floor.

Karen looked at the photos and caught sight of the one her wife probably searched for. She took it carefully. The photo represented Denny sitting on Evan’s laps, a bright smile stretching their lips. “Denny just told me he forgot how Buck smiled.”

Stopping her rummaging, Hen looked at the photo in her wife’s hand and smiled sadly. “It’s the only photo we have of him. Do you remember that day?”

“I do, yes! After the whole Eva problem, Denny started having nightmares, so Buck offered to babysit while we had an evening to ourselves. When we came back home, we went to his room to kiss him goodnight and saw the photo. Buck told him that whenever he was scared, he just had to look at the photo to smile again because…” Karen stopped.

“Monsters hate happy people!” Hen finished, lips trembling. “I miss him.”

When the words left her lips, she broke down crying. Karen held her in her arms, praying for better days to come soon.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Knocking on her daughter’s door, Athena waited for a reply before coming in but didn’t receive any. She tried again, louder this time, but still received no answer. She wanted to enter, but as long as her kids respected her privacy, she did the same. Not knowing how her daughter was handling the situation killed her. May left the station so abruptly! Fortunately, Michael went after her and took her and Harry home. Her ex-husband told her she was devastated and locked herself in her room right away, refusing to talk to anyone. Athena understood the feeling so well. She knocked one last time on her daughter’s door before giving up and going downstairs. 

“She’s not answering the door?” Bobby asked, sitting on the couch in the living room.

“No.” Athena answered curtly.

Trying not to be deterred by his wife’s attitude, Bobby changed the subject. “I was surprised not to see Christopher at the Station. You wanted everyone to be there.”

“I didn’t want Chris to discover the truth about Buck and Eddie like that.”

“He’s too young to understand.”

Athena turned her head to throw a dark glare at her husband. “Do you know why Chris loves Buck so much? It’s because Buck doesn’t treat him like he can’t understand the world he lives in. He does understand, you just have to take the time to explain it to him, but that will be Eddie’s punishment.”

Nodding, Bobby smiled sadly. “So, my punishment is your hate.”

“I don’t hate you.” Athena sighed. “I’m just disappointed.”

“Trust me, I am too. I failed him both as a Captain and as father-figure!”

“That’s where you’re wrong!” Athena objected. “You didn’t fail as a captain because, during all those times, you never were his.”

Looking at his wife in shock, Bobby asked what she meant.

“Buck almost died three times in the past few months. We were all scared to lose a friend, but you… it felt like the universe was trying to take another son away from you. The tsunami was the last straw for you. Since then, you treated him like your son, period.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Because it is! You let your fears dictate your conduct and denied Buck the same right as the others. The one to be a firefighter.”

“Athena…”

“No!” She interrupted him with a yell. “Buck is one of those rare people who doesn’t do this job because they love to help people but because that’s who they are! When you kept him from going back to work it felt like you were asking him to stop breathing!”

“And you think I don’t know that?!” Bobby yelled back, tears forming in his eyes. “You think I’m not beating myself up?”

“How the hell should I know? You barely reacted when I told you Buck was homeless and had PTSD!”

“At least he is alive!!!”

Athena looked at him in shock, not believing what she heard him say.

“Don’t look at me like that! He’s reckless and impulsive! Allowing him back on calls felt like pointing a gun on his head and shooting! I killed my family. I refused to do that to him.”

Taking his hands in his, Athena forced him to look at her. “You should know by now, that there are fates worse than death.”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Parking in front of his house, Eddie stopped the engine but couldn’t bring himself to get out of the car. After learning everything Buck went through, he didn’t know how to feel. He remembered telling him to stop whining and suck it up when that’s exactly what he did for the past two months. He put his pain in a box and put on a brave face when he was dying inside. 

Clenching his jaw, his grip on the wheel tightening, Eddie’s rage rose. No! He refused to pity Buck! He didn’t deserve to be homeless and to have night terrors, but it was his own fault! He could’ve accepted the Fire Marshall position, if he had, he would still be a part of his and Christopher’s life, could still come to movie nights, take Chris to school or pick him up. He could still be a part of their family. Instead, he turned to a lawyer, because Christopher and he were not enough for Mister Buckley! He turned to a man who used his dead wife against him, and for what? A stupid job? Unbelievable! Now Evan decided to go with some strangers who pretended to be his family and leave Chris behind.

_Christopher!_

How was he supposed to break the news to his son? How can he tell him that Buck left them?

Getting out of the car, Eddie entered his house. Carla waited for him, and judging by the look on her face, she knew something, or maybe something just happened during the day.

“Hi, Carla! How was Christopher?” He asked as he put his duffel bag down and headed to the kitchen.

“Christopher hit another boy.”

“What?” Eddie asked as he turned around, his eyes widening in surprise. “Why?”

“He refused to tell me.”

“It’s not like Chris to hit someone.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I could’ve said the same thing about you, Mister Streetfight. But I guess I was wrong.”

Eddie froze and clenched his teeth. He was so tired of being judged.

“I had a call from Maddie. She told everything.” She continued, emphasizing the last word.

“So what? You’re gonna leave too, just like him?”

Carla snorted. “I’m not leaving, I love Christopher too much to do that to him, but I also do it for Buck.”

“He left! You don’t owe him anything!” He growled before turning his back to her, his hands resting on the sink.

Carla got up from the couch and headed for the door but stopped when her hand touched the handle. “I don’t do this because I feel like I owe him something! I do it because Buck is my friend! He was yours too!”

The door slammed when she exited the house, leaving Eddie alone with his anger. Looking everywhere around him, he searched for something to hit, for a way to let his anger exploded, but he couldn’t, fighting was his only remedy. He couldn’t go there right now, he knew he couldn’t, plus, his son needed him. If Chris refused to talk to Carla, he probably would with him. Taking a deep breath, he swallowed his anger and moved to his boy’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and Eddie had a quick peek. As he expected, Chris wasn’t asleep. From his vantage point, Eddie could see him play with a little device, some sort of USB key. He wondered where he got that? The only had one USB key and Eddie kept it in his locker at work. 

Pushing the door slightly, Eddie knocked. “What are you doing, mijo?” He asked as he sat on the edge of Chris’ bed.

Putting the device under his pillow, Chris turned his back to his dad.

“What’s wrong, buddy?” He asked, but got no answer. Eddie thought he felt bad about hitting the other boy at school, so he started to caress his back. “Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

Chris shook his head vigorously.

“Chris, please! I know you’re not violent, if you hit that boy he probably was bothering you first, but I can’t know for sure if you don’t talk to me.”

After a few seconds of silence, Chris sat up and looked at his father. “I want Buck.”

Jaw clenched, Eddie tried his best not to yell his response. “Chris, Buck…”

“I know! He told me last time he was here. He thought I was sleeping.”

“Then, you know you can’t have Buck. He left us!”

The second the words left his mouth he regretted them as Chris’ eyes filled with tears. “I want Buck.” He repeated with a broken voice.

“Mijo…”

"I want Buck!!!!” He yelled, laying back on his bed, his back facing his dad.

Eddie never felt so powerless, the only thing he could do was watch his baby crying and begging for Buck to come back. Getting up, he exited the bedroom and called the first person that crossed his mind.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


_Looking everywhere around him, Evan tried to spot something familiar that could tell him where he is, but then remembered he was in Austin, he knew nothing of the city. He thought about taking his phone to call his dad to get him when a little hand slipped into his. Looking down, he felt his smile grew bigger. “Christopher? What are you doing here?” He asked as he kneeled down and hugged him tightly._

_“Dad told me we could spend the day together! You promised to take me to the Aquarium.”_

_The joy of having his little man with him erased every question that popped in his mind. He took Chris’s hand in his and headed to the first Aquarium they saw. They entered and a nice woman welcomed them in. They walked around, pointing at the fishes and marvelling at their colours or forms._

_“Bucky?”_

_“Yes, baby?” Buck asked as he looked at his favourite little man._

_“Where are they?”_

_Frowning, Buck kneeled down and asked who he was talking about._

_“Everyone! We’re alone!”_

_Looking up, Evan realized the Aquarium was now empty, the silence deafening. His panic slowly grew._

_“I’m scared, Buck!”_

_“It's alright! We’re leaving!”_

_As they started walking towards the exit, the glasses of the various aquariums started to shake in unison. Evan picked Chris up in his arms and moved faster. When he reached the door, he tried to open it but it seemed locked. Fearing that the glasses broke, he tried harder and finally opened the doors, only to be swept away by a torrent of water. He instantly grabbed Christopher’s hand and tried not to let go. Suddenly, Evan grabbed a pillar with his free hand, stopping their drift._

_“Bucky!”_

_Evan looked at the frightened kid and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Chris!” Next thing he knew, he willingly let go of Chris’s hand._

“CHRISTOPHER!!!!!” Evan yelled, waking up with a jolt and falling out of his bed. Covered in sweat and out of breath, it took him a good minute to realize it was a nightmare and where he was. Curling up in a fetal position, Evan put a hand on his mouth to cover the sobs that shook his body. 

After regaining control over his emotions, Evan got up and padded through the hallway, towards his dad’s bedroom. Owen left the door opened, after peering inside, Evan went to lay on the ground at the foot of the bed, needing the proximity with the only person who made him feel safe.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


“Thank you guys for coming! I didn’t who else to call!” Eddie thanked Chimney as he handed him a cold beer.

“Anything for you and Chris!”

Eddie sat on the couch, next to his colleague and huffed out a laugh. “Even after what happened today?”

“What happened taught us that we are a team and that we should stick together.” He replied without skipping a beat. “It’s just a shame realized it too late.”

Eddie took a sip of his beer. “He’s the one who chose to leave.”

“Yeah, after you told him to man up and stop whining about his problems, which apparently, he hasn’t stopped doing the past two months!” Chim answered in a sharp tone.

“What are you trying to say?”

“We treated him like shit, but you Eddie, you were his best friend! He loves you and Chris more than anything! Your words and your attitude hurt him more than anyone’s.”

Shaking his head, Eddie refused to acknowledge his wrongs. “He abandoned us!”

“You pushed him away!”

Their conversation was interrupted by Maddie who came back from Christopher’s bedroom. Eddie got up from the couch, ready to thank her when she slapped him hard.

“Maddie!” Chim exclaimed, startled.

“You told your son Evan abandoned him! Do you have any idea how much he’s hurt right now? Do you even care?”

A hand pressed on his reddened cheek, Eddie looked at Maddie with wide eyes, unable to find the words to answer her.

“Chimney, your keys!” She asked.

Rummaging in his pocket, Chim fished out the keys and threw them at Maddie.

“You stay here tonight, Howie! I’m taking Christopher with me for tonight.”

Without waiting for a reply, Maddie went back to Chris’s room and exited it with a crying Chris in her arms and a bag on her shoulder. She left the house by slamming the door, making the two men jumped in fear.

“You take the couch!” Growled Chimney as he headed for Eddie’s room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again for chapter 7!!!
> 
> I must admit, this one was tough! Why? Because I don't know everything that's gonna happen in this story, I improvise day by day and try to consider your reviews and the things you would like to see ^^
> 
> Enjoy :)

Swaying his hips on a country music beat, Owen cooked breakfast for his little family, feeling happier than ever. It’s been so long since he felt that happy, since Evan turned up into his life, though this time was different. He divorced his wife and started a new life in Austin, with a new team, a new family. Evan had no reason to leave, sure he had a family in L.A, but unlike his biological parents, Owen knew that they wouldn’t try to find him back, and that reassured him greatly.

As he continued to sway his hips while watching the cooking of his eggs, he heard the soft pad of Evan’s feet as the young man approached the counter in the kitchen and sat on a stool. “So you did become a countryman, after all.” He said sleepily, rubbing at one eye.

“Welcome to Austin!” Owen answered with a goofy grin before kissed his son’s temple. “Hi, son!”

“Hi, dad.”

Turning back, Owen checked if the eggs weren’t burning. “So, how did you sleep last night?”

Despite his dad’s light-hearted tone, Evan felt the worry hidden beneath it, but he couldn’t blame him though. The last time he slept at the foot of Owen’s bed, he was 9 and had a nightmare, one that he didn’t know would come true a few years later. He could only imagine how weird it must feel to see your 28-year-old son sleeping on your bedroom floor. Shrugging, Evan opened his mouth to mumble one of his famous ‘ _I’m fine_ ’ when Owen took the frying pan and turned around.

“If you think about lying to me, you better come up with something better than that!” He admonished him while pouring scrambled eggs on a plate. Putting his utensil away and sat opposite of his son. “What was your dream about?”

“It’s ok, dad! It was a simple nightmare this time.”

“There’s nothing simple about PTSD, don’t belittle what you have!”

Knowing it was pointless to argue with his dad, Evan sighed and sipped on his glass of water. “It was about Christopher.”

“Did you talk to him before you left?”

Evan shook his head, feeling his heart pounding. “I talked to him while he was sleeping, he doesn’t know why I left, and I doubt his father will be completely honest or neutral with him.”

“So why don’t you call him to tell him the truth yourself?”

“He probably thinks I abandoned him, dad!”

“All the more reason for calling him and tell him the truth. I’m sure he loves you just as much as you love him, and it probably kills him not knowing the reasons for your departure.”

“That’s a low blow, dad!” 

“At least, think about it! Ok?”

Nodding, Evan muttered his agreement and started eating.

“I received a text from the Chief yesterday,” Owen continued, “your transfer form should be signed today which means that Radford will want to talk to you before you start working.”

"How long will it take?”

“Depends! If I allow you to work, we do it under my conditions, which means therapy sessions, recertification and an interview with the Chief.”

“But, dad…”

“No buts, Evan! If we do this, we need to make things right! Outside of work you’re my baby but when we are at work, you’re my firefighter and I need to know I can count on you.”

A protest formed inside Evan’s mind, but he remembered that Owen wasn’t Bobby, when he promised he was doing this to help him, it was the truth. 

“Oh crap!” Owen cursed, looking at his watch.

“What’s wrong?”

“I wanted to keep you for myself a bit longer but I guess that won’t be possible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just wait! In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…”

As Owen finished counting down, the front door burst open as TK rushed inside.

“Where is he? Is he sleeping?” He asked rather loudly.

Evan chuckled at his brother’s entrance. “No, **he** is in the kitchen!”

Throwing his duffel bag somewhere in the living room, TK ran to the kitchen, when he finally saw Evan, he stopped, taking in the sight of his brother finally home. “You’re here!” 

His exclamation sounded more like a question but Evan nodded, got up from the stool and engulfed him in a bone-crushing hug. TK’s arms wrapped around him and help him close, fearing that if he let go, he might disappear. Owen watched from behind the reunion of his sons and couldn’t help but snap a few pictures he sent to Michelle, smiling when he received hearts emojis from the Chief Paramedic. When he looked back up, his boys were sitting on the stools, sharing the food and talking wildly.

“We should totally do that, dad!” TK exclaimed at two sets of eyes fixated their old man.

“Do what?”

“Invite the team over so we could introduce Evan to them!”

“I don’t know TK!” Owen cringed at the idea to overwhelm his son with the team’s series of questions.

“Please, pops!” TK pleaded, making his famous puppy dog eyes.

The captain stuck out his chest, eyebrows raised, looking unimpressed, but as he saw fake tears forming in his emerald eyes, Owen felt his will vanished. “Oh! Alright!” He ended up wincing, eyes shut.

Overjoyed by the idea, TK high-fived his brother. “You won’t regret it, they’re amazing people! You will love them!”

Evan smiled and watch his brother hurried upstairs to take a shower and get ready for tonight. “But will they love me back?” He asked himself in a low voice.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


“He did what?” Athena asked in shock.

Sitting beside the Sergeant, Maddie sipped on her cup of tea and put it back on the coffee table. “Christopher hit a kid with his crutch because that brat tried to steal something from him.”

“Are we talking about the same Christopher?” Maddie nodded. “It’s not like him to hit someone, especially over something so trivial as ‘he stole my thing!’”

“Depends on what the thing is,” Maddie mumbled as she glanced over the table, where Chris was drawing, a headphone on his ears playing his favourite songs.

Following her gaze, Athena raised an eyebrow at her friend. She watched her rummaging through her purse and getting out a USB key. “What is it?”

“It’s Buck’s goodbye gift to Chris.”

Athena looked back and forth between Maddie and the device, temptation clear in her features. “Can I?”

With a sad smile, Maddie handed it to her and watched her connect it to her laptop. She looked at the content with a distant expression, as if she was looking into a bygone past.

After a few minutes, Athena closed the laptop and gave the key back to Maddie. “So he talked to Chris before leaving?”

“Indirectly! Chris told me that Buck came to their house one night. He pretended to sleep, and apologized before leaving the USB key on his bedside table.”

“Why did he pretend to sleep? I would’ve thought Chris would be ecstatic to see his Bucky after so long.”

Maddie sighed, trying to contain her anger at Eddie. “Chris was scared that he’d upset his dad if he talked to Buck. Also, he heard Eddie yelled at Evan that night.”

“No wonder why Chris felt so down lately. His father probably tried to protect him by not talking to him.”

“Trust me, Eddie not talking to Christopher was a blessing!” Maddie growled, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What do you mean?”

Glancing once again at Chris, Maddie saw the boy turning his head towards her and smiled brightly, waving at her. She waved back and watched him get back to his drawings she knew were meant for Buck. “Eddie called me last night because Chris was crying and didn’t let his dad console him. So we went there with Chimney and I talked to Chris. The reason why he was so upset was that Eddie told him that Buck abandoned them.”

Athena nodded distractedly. After everything she discovered, about Buck and the team, she wasn’t that surprised to hear that Eddie expressed his own feelings instead of telling the truth, but she didn’t blame him. In his state of mind, he couldn’t be objective even if he wanted it. His anger was like a dark cloud darkening his mind.

“I was so angry at him at the moment. I even slapped him!”

Eyes widened in surprise, Athena could suppress her grin. “So that was what I heard last night!” She huffed out a laugh, but her smile quickly faded when Maddie didn’t share it.

“I still despise him for making Chris suffer like this, but…”

“But what, honey?”

A single tear escaped Maddie’s eye. “I felt the same way at first!”

“What do you mean?”

Maddie took a deep breath, looking everywhere but at Athena. “When you told us what happened to him, I was devastated. I blamed myself for not having seen what was right under my nose, but then it angered me to know he turned towards strangers rather than me. I would’ve never let him down, yet he turned to someone else for help!”

The pain, written all over the young woman’s face, felt heartbreaking for Athena who threw an arm around her shoulders and held her tight. “You don’t see it Maddie, but Buck did this for a reason. He knew if any of us knew about what the team did to him that would break his family apart.”

“He was right! Our family already started to fall apart.”

Unfortunately, Athena couldn’t argue with that. She had been so keen on discovering what Buck went through that she let her anger and resentment take over afterwards. 

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Walking inside the station, Fire Chief Sanderson looked around and was pleased not to see the team here yet. He always loved to be the first one somewhere, it allowed him to take his time and appreciate the quietness of a place. Today, he wanted to be the first one at the station to collect Buckley’s turnout jacket and send it along with the signed transfer form, but as he made his way over the racks, he noticed the absence of Buckley’s coat. He asked other firefighters around if they saw it but none of them had. Judging it was a mystery that could await, he climbed up the stairs.

He sat at the end of the dining table he waited for the team to show up to hear about their sanction. Normally, he should have done that last night, but as he learned about what happened to their youngest member and saw the pain on their face, he decided to let them process the new pieces of information before sanctioning them. Part of him wanted to punish them, to make them suffer. But he hated punishment, they were pointless and vain. If he wanted to make sure these kinds of things don’t happen again, he didn’t need to hurt them, he needed to teach them, and the better way to do this was through sanctions. The biggest problem here was that he didn’t know them that well and wondered if he had chosen the right sanction for each member. Fortunately for him, Athena Grant gave him some clues.

“Chief?” Bobby asked, his team in tow. “Can we sit?”

Smiling at the little group, Sanderson pointed at the chairs. “Please, do!”

As the little group took place around the table, glanced one last time at his papers before looking up at them. “Alright! You’re all on shift so I’m gonna try to be as concise as possible. Let’s start by the less guilty. Firefighter Henrietta Wilson and Howie Han. Your main wrongs were not to support a colleague in distress and follow blindly your Captain, so your sanction will be to volunteer at the hospital and all kinds of charity events in order to teach you how to care about others. Also, you will attend meetings and other conferences who teach people with zero personality how to think for themselves and speak up.”

“Is that a joke?” Chimney asked, unsure.

Sanderson turned his gaze towards the two firefighters who looked like they didn’t know if they should feel insulted or ashamed. “Do I look like I’m joking?” He asked coldly.

Chimney and Hen bent their head down and let the Chief move on.

“Firefighter Diaz! You are the man I despise the most in this station, I prefer to be honest with you! I had such a hard time trying to figure out which sanction would suit you best. I won’t talk about how you let your best friend down and treated him like shit, as a Chief, I’m not here to judge that! Although, as a firefighter, you’re supposed to care about your colleagues’ well-being. Don’t worry you’re all in the same boat here. No, my problem is your new hobby! I know what you went through in your personal life and how it angered you and how you let that anger simmer and then explode to the point where you became a liability for yourself and your team who trusted you with their lives! Firefighter Diaz, you are suspended until further notice, during that time you will have frequent appointments with a therapist I chose and won’t come back until he says you’re ready.”

“Yes, sir!” Eddie replied through gritted teeth.

“Don’t interrupt me! I’m not finished! You have a son right?” Eddie nodded. “Since I do not trust you to stop the streetfight, I’ll give you a good reason to. If I learn that you went there, I’ll call the social services!”

“You’re not serious?” Bobby asked, panicked.

Sanderson looked at Eddie and saw the same panic in his eyes. He would never do something to him, but Diaz didn’t know that, and hopefully, the fear of losing his child will be a good motivation for him to stop. “I told you not to interrupt me! Now, Captain Robert Nash! Do you what’s the worst thing in my job?”

“I don’t know!” The captain answered blankly.

“The desk job! It’s so boring! So I decided to change things! From this moment and until further notice, I take your position as Captain of Station 118! Any questions?” When no one answered Sanderson huffed out a laugh. “We’re gonna have so much fun together!”

As the new Captain rushed downstairs, Athena made her way upstairs and saw the team looking down. “I guess he’s the only one who finds the situation funny.”

“Athena! What are you doing here?” Bobby asked as he looked at his wife.

“I came to tell you that you’re all expected for dinner at our house.”

“Wait, why?”

“Tonight! 7 pm!” She answered as she made her way outside.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


That night, the team obeyed Athena’s order and arrived at her house for dinner. The kids were upstairs, playing while Athena and Bobby were cooking and the other adults sat around the living room in awkward silence. Michael and Karen watched them and tried small talks but only to get grunts and moans in response. 

“Can someone please talk instead of making these noises?” Michael exclaimed loudly.

“You want us to talk?” Maddie asked.

“Yes, please!” He begged.

“Alright, I’ll start!” She answered, looking at Chimney. “I’m sorry I made you sleep at Eddie’s last night!”

Chimney nodded but Eddie’s temper acted up.

“Oh! No apologies for slapping me?”

“You’re right! I shouldn’t have slapped you!”

Eddie nodded and Michael beamed. “Now we communicate!”

“I should’ve punched your stupid face instead! Maybe with fewer teeth, you’d be less keen on telling shit to your kid.”

“And why didn’t you do that to your brother when he talked shit to his lawyer?”

“Oh, you talk about the lawyer Buck hired after you, Bobby and the team _abandoned_ him?” She asked, choosing her words carefully.

“Don’t act all mighty! Where were you when Buck was homeless?!”

A glass flew across the room and crashed on the opposite wall, making everyone jump in fright. Looking towards the kitchen, the team saw Athena, a murderous expression on her face.

“This is why I asked you to come over! This needs to stop!” She yelled at everyone. “We have to accept the fact that Buck left! And if he didn’t say anything about what you put him through, it’s because he knew we would do that! Scream, blame and hit each other! Buck loved this family so much he decided to keep his pain for himself so we could stay united… like a family.” She paused and her tone softened. “But our family’s broken and I know Buck would be devastated if he saw us today. We can’t change the past, but we can try to do better in the future.”

As everyone around her nodded, Athena went back to her cooking while Bobby couldn’t hold back the question that was burning his lips. “Maddie, can you talk to us about your dad, Owen Strand, right?”

Maddie shook her head, muttering. “He’s not my dad!”

Around her, everyone frowned.

“What do you mean?” Athena asked, dropping her cooking to sit in front of her.

Maddie’s eyes stared into space as she told them the story of her little brother. “Evan was an undesired child. My mom wanted just one child but she was raised in a religious family, so when she got pregnant again, she couldn’t abort. Our parents divorced when Evan was 8 and neither wanted Evan’s custody, though it was granted to my mom in the end. Soon after, she took Evan with her on a trip, and when she came back, she said she ‘lost’ him, but I knew she abandoned him.”

Around her, the 118 family had the same look on their face: disgust!

“I don’t know much about what happened to him while he was away. I just know that Owen Strand had been his foster parent for a year. Then, one day, a woman came to our house. She was Owen’s wife, she told my mom she refused to raise a child that wasn’t hers and offered her a great amount of money to claim Evan back. That’s all I know. He never told me about his time with the Strands. The only thing I know is that Owen Strand has more love for my brother in his little finger than all of us combined.”

From her vantage point at the top of the stairs, May Grant listened to the story about her favorite uncle. Standing up, she went back to her room where Christopher was asleep, wrapped around Buck’s turnout coat. She walked to the bed, sat on the edge, and caressed the boy’s curls. “Chris, wake up.” She whispered.

As the little boy opened his eyes, he asked if the diner was ready.

“No, it’s not!” May chuckled. “The adults are still talking, so I thought maybe we could call Buck, what do you say?”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Evan had to admit he let out a sigh of relief when TK told him during the day that the team couldn’t come for diner at the Strand’s for various reasons. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them, he just didn’t feel ready, his mind still couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness that filled his heart. He knew he shouldn't, that the team didn’t want him, that he was alone, and yet he loved them so much it hurts to be apart from them.

Downstairs, TK and Owen were making dinner, they even tried to make Evan participate but the young man lied about wanting to take a nap. In the end, he stayed almost all day in his room, trying his hardest not to cry all the tears in his body. Since his dad told him he should call Chris to let him know his Bucky loved him and never abandoned him like the boy probably thought he did, Evan had typed hundreds of messages to Eddie, but erased every single one of them. He knew his best friend wouldn’t let him talk to Chris, he was too angry at the world to do that. 

Tired of feeling so lost and hopeless, Evan almost was ready to throw his phone across the room when it vibrated. May’s name appeared on the screen and he answered after a brief hesitation. “Allo?”

“Bucky?” Christopher’s little voice came through the speaker.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Evan held back the sobs that threatened to erupt upon hearing Chris. He breathed deeply through his mouth and tried to fake a smile. “Hey, Superman!”

“I miss you! Where are you? Are you coming back soon?”

Clenching his teeth hard, Evan resisted the want to say he’ll take the first flight and be home for bedtime. “Chris! I can’t come back.” And damn, it killed him to say those words.

“Why did you leave? Daddy said you left us.”

How was he supposed to answer to that when that’s exactly how he felt? “I didn’t want to, I promise!”

“Aunt Maddie said you were sick,” he said then paused, not sure if he should ask the next question, “are you gonna leave just like mom?”

A series of silent sobs shook his body as the pain overwhelmed him. Breathing hard, he continued to open through his mouth so Chris doesn’t hear him sniff. “No, baby! I won’t, I promise.”

“Are you gonna come back when you won’t be sick anymore?”

How he wished he knew the answer to that question! He could still visit, but that was the only possibility. Unless his hopes become true and the team treats him differently. “I don’t know, buddy! It’s too soon to tell.”

“Aunt Maddie also said that you are with your daddy and brother. Are you happy with them?”

“Not really!” Evan answered honestly, without skipping a beat. “Because I miss you terribly!”

“Bucky,” Chris started to whine, his voice breaking.

“Look, Chris! I have to go!” He said, not wanting to hear Chris’ cries and lose control over his own tears. “I’ll call you back, I promise! But, please remember that I love you, more than anything in the world.”

“I love you too.”

Hanging up, Evan put his phone away and looked at the ceiling. His mouth agape, he gripped his shirt and yanked on it, feeling like his heart might explode. Turning on his left side, crying his pain out with every shed tears.

In the hallway, TK peered through the slightly ajar door and saw his brother broken. His brother, who was the strongest person he ever met after his dad. With a sniff, he met Owen downstairs, pain mirroring in his emerald orbs. 

“TK?”

“I was,” he said, pointing upstairs with his finger, “he can’t stop crying, and I don’t know… maybe he needs to be alone, maybe…”

“Hey!” Owen interrupted him, placing his hands on his cheeks. “Your brother’s been alone for too long, now he needs us!”

Nodding, the duo went upstairs and entered Evan’s room. TK moved first, lying down in front of his brother, he took his right hand, linked their finger, tucked in brother’s arm under his, and pressed their hands close to his chest. Owen watch his boys and climbed on the bed and hugged them from behind, throwing a protective arm around them both while Evan continued to let go of his pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I'm back!!!
> 
> Thank you for all your comments, I'm so happy to see that there are still so many people who take the time to leave a comment. Thank you!!!! <3
> 
> To those who are wondering, my tests didn't go well! My heart condition makes things difficult once again so I can't join the army --"
> 
> Anyway, I'm not gonna let this bad news get me down, especially not when I have chapters to write :D
> 
> I realized by the way that I haven't told you when I situated the story in the Lone Star universe. So, I decided to situate my story after in between episodes 3 and 4, although I decided to let Michelle knows about Owen's cancer. That's it! :D
> 
> So here's chapter 8
> 
> Enjoy!

Closing his locker a little forcefully, TK sat on a bench, took his phone out of his pocket and waited for an answer from his brother. He tried to convince himself it was normal if Evan didn’t answer the dozens of messages he sent after leaving the house at dawn, in vain. 

“Stop staring at your phone, TK!” Owen asked. “I’m sure you’re brother’s fine.”

TK huffed out a humourless laugh. "Didn't seem so fine last night!”

“But he will be!" His dad answered, his voice full of hopes. "Just give him some time! You know how much he loves Christopher, it’s normal for him to miss the kid!” He then gave his son a pat on the back and went to his office.

TK nodded, a distant look in his eyes, not really seeing his father leaving the room. Despite his worry for his big brother, the young man couldn’t help feeling like his family kept secrets from him. Sure, he knew his brother was just human, yet he never saw him so sad, so broken. As a kid, TK always described Evan as his sun, the kind of person who always smiled and never ceased to. His birth mother hated him, and yet he cared about everyone and always argued that making people happy sufficed to make him happy. All those reasons convinced TK that his brother, the strongest person he knew, besides his dad, hurt so much because he missed someone. No, they were lying to him!

“TK?” A voice startled him. 

Looking up, he saw Michelle standing by the doorway.

“Is everything ok?” She asked, looking sincerely concerned.

“Yes! I’m fine!” He lied with a big smile, but he knew the Chief Paramedic wasn’t naïve. She spent most of her time with his dad, so she could surely spot a Strand’s lie. 

"OK, the team's waiting for you."

“Thanks!” He answered as he watched her leave. 

TK looked down at his phone again and couldn’t help the surge of shame overwhelming him. He pondered over the possibility of his dad and Evan lying to him when he was a lier himself. He lied to the team, to his own brother, to Carlos, and if Evan did the same thing, the only thing they had in common was their dad, the keeper of their secrets. Maybe he imagined things. It probably was the weight of his own secrets who became too heavy.

Putting his phone back in his pocket, TK joined the others and automatically collected the plates and put them on the table. He heard the distant voice of his family but couldn't bring himself to participate in their conversation. His lips felt sealed as the memory of a crying Evan kept nagging him. 

“Wait a minute!” Marjan exclaimed when TK finished setting the table. “Why are there eight plates?”

“Well, let me think! Maybe because we need eight plates for eight people!” He answered sarcastically. 

“Except we’re not eight but seven!”

“I knew you weren’t good at maths pretty boy but still!” Judd mocked him as he approached the duo.

“Hey! I told you not to call me that anymore!” 

“Sorry, bro!” The Texan apologized, ruffling his little brother’s hair. “But if you know how to count, then who’s our guest?”

Tk smiled at the team who looked at him expectantly, his satisfaction coming from the fact that his favourite persons would meet very soon. Shrugging, he tried to keep the mystery linger but the Captan decided otherwise. 

"Well, guys! You're about to meet my other son, Evan!"

As a series of what erupted from the team, TK looked at his father with a betrayed expression. He didn't have the time to protest though as Paul asked the first question.

“So, your other son is a firefighter too!” Paul stated. “Is there at least one person in your family that isn’t a firefighter?”

Owen seemed to think about it before answering. “My ex-wife?”

“She doesn’t count!” Growled TK while fixing the table, his gaze becoming ice-cold. 

The team exchanged weird looks before Paul decided to break the silence that slowly crept in. “So, it’s like ‘ _Strand family, firefighters from father to son.’_ ”

Owen laughed and admitted it was a good sum up. 

“Is he a good firefighter?” Marjan asked, wanting to gauge her competition.

“He's a kickass firefighter!” Father and son replied at the same time.

Marjan looked at them with a fake hurt expression. “You said the same thing about me!”

“Trust me! My big brother is so out of your league!”

Glaring at TK, Marjan crossed her arms over her chest and looked at her friend in defiance, not really sure if she should feel threatened or insulted. "Wanna bet?"

Raising an eyebrow at her, TK mimicked her. "Shoot!"

"I bet twenty bucks that I can prove I'm a better firefighter than your brother."

"You're on!" He exclaimed as they shook hands.

"You're both so arrogant its a wonder you can still wear your helmets," Owen added as he sat at the head of the table, shaking his head in disbelief.

The others joined him at the table, except Marjan and TK who gave them pointed looks. 

"Arrogant is such a negative word, I'm just confident!" He stated as they both nodded. 

"Be careful Tyler! Between confidence and arrogance, there's just a step!" 

Every head turned towards the source of the voice, a frown on their face, except for TK who knew who this voice belonged to. He turned around and saw his brother, hands in his jean pockets, a thin smile stretching his lips. Jumping forward, TK hugged him tightly, missing for the few hours they’ve been apart. They pulled apart and TK pushed Evan towards the seat on his father’s left.

“Guys! This is Evan, my big brother!” The pride in his voice was so obvious it made the team smile. “Ev, this is Judd Ryder, dad’s second in command.” He added, pointing at the man on the right of his dad.

From across the table, the two men shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you!” Evan exclaimed. 

“Likewise! You know, I consider TK like my brother too!” Judd expressed with what looked like a stern look. Evan considered the Texan carefully, teeth clenched as he felt the tension in the room increase. The rest of the team didn’t know how to react either, but then a small smile spread his lips. “That means I have to take your place as the eldest. Sorry, bro!”

Evan smiled shyly at the little banter, and almost chided himself for reacting so defensively while his brother moved on the next person.

“This is Mateo Chavez, our probie!”

The young man smiled at Evan and waved awkwardly at him, to which Evan offered a curt wave.

“Probie, quit smiling like that, it’s creepy!” TK ranted.

“Sorry! It’s just… if he’s our newest member, does that make him the probie?”

His question was innocent but still got him a collective ‘ _Hell no!_ ’ in response. Not disappointed by an answer he clearly expected, Mateo welcomed Evan into the team. 

“Then, you have Paul Strickland!”

Paul was too far from Evan to shake his hand, so the two men just waved at each other. Paul smiled warmly at him and was welcoming, yet there was something about him that made Evan uncomfortable. He felt scrutinized under his gaze. Some people were just more observant than others, Evan acknowledged that, but he couldn’t help but squirm in his seat and look everywhere but at him as Paul seemed to read him like an open book.

“And the last but not least Marjan Marwani! You know you’re allowed to sit at the table, right?”

Evan looked around but noticed that Marjan hasn’t moved from her previous spot and recognized her. “I know you! I mean, I saw your videos! You’re a badass!” 

“You mean I _was_ a badass! Until you showed up!”

“Oh! Think she lost the bet!” Owen whispered more for himself.

Evan closed his eyes a second, he should have seen it coming. “So you saw my video too!”

“What video?” TK asked right away.

His ignorance triggered Marjan’s indignation as she moved towards them and pushed TK out of his seat. “What do you mean, what video? Your brother is a legend TK!”

“I wouldn’t say that!” Evan argued, not wanting to draw that kind of attention to himself.

Seeing the questioning looks everyone gave them, Marjan moaned loudly. “His leg had been crushed under a ladder truck! But that’s not what’s impressive, no! What’s impressive is that after his surgery and weeks of PT he did his recertifications and beat his own record! What kind of firefighter does that?”

“Only the best one!” Judd and Owen replied at the same time.

Despite the awful memories that this conversation brought back to his mind, Evan couldn’t help but smile shyly at the pride he read in his dad and brother’s face. The conversation died down a little, as the little group started eating, but the team’s hunger for information about their new member was too strong.

“So, Evan! What brings you to Texas?” Paul asked.

Considering who asked the question, Evan thought best to only half-lie to him. “Well, I love L.A. and the people I met there, but I really missed my family. So, after my fourth near-death experience, I…” He was interrupted by the sound of Matteo, choking on his glass of water. 

“Come on, Probie! Breathe!” Judd told him as he patted his back.

“Four near-death experiences?” Paul asked.

Nodding, Evan started to enumerate them. “The first one was when the ladder truck crushed my leg. Then, after surgery and weeks of PT, I had a pulmonary embolism during my welcome back party. They put me on blood thinners after that and soon after, I took my colleagues’ son to Santa Monica Pier when the tsunami hit. And finally, I jumped in the water a few days ago to save a teenage girl, my leg was hurting like hell, so when she kicked me in the face, between the pain in my leg and the one in my face I just drowned.”

Around him, the team looked both shocked and impressed, except TK.

“You didn’t tell me about the fourth one, why?”

“I’m sorry, Tyler! I didn’t want to worry you plus, you know Bo… my former captain. He never really made us talk about our traumas, just send us to therapy if needed.”

“Well, this won’t happen here!” Owen declared, looking intently at his boy.

“Your dad’s right! We take care of each other here!” Judd spoke. “Hell, I wouldn’t be here if your old man hadn’t forced me to talk about my trauma!”

The team laughed at the memory and started retelling how Owen convinced them all to move here and start their new life, but Evan wasn’t listening anymore. The young man and the second in command locked eyes. Just like with Paul, Evan couldn’t hide his darkest secret under Judd’s gaze, but how could he? The two men had the same dull look in their eyes that silently gave away their pain and struggle. 

Tearing his gaze away from the older man, Evan looked at his father with a fake smile. “So, dad! You didn’t tell about you and Michelle.”

The room fell silent as the two captains looked at each other.

“What? No, we’re not…!” Owen stuttered, trying to find the right word to say.

Evan looked back and forth between them, and then looked at his brother who shook his head vigorously. “They’re not…?” But everyone shook their head too.

The alarm went off, breaking the embarrassing silence. The team stood up and rushed towards the trucks.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Getting out of his car, Eddie looked at the light coming from inside his house. He stood there, under the dark sky, and for a brief moment, he remembered all those movie nights and other sleepovers with Buck. If he closed his eyes, he could picture himself opening the door and smell the delicious odour of Buck’s cooking. His best friend would give him a smile, the kind of smile who was just for him.

Prisoner of his own memories, Eddie resisted the temptation to enjoy this chimera any longer. Fist clenched, he opened his eyes and moved towards his home. As he opened the door, he saw Maddie and Chimney in the living room. His first reaction was to ask what they were doing in his house, but then he remembered his long discussion with Maddie. After their fight last night, she offered to watch Christopher the following day while he went for his first therapy session.

“Hi, guys!”

Maddie lifted her head from where she was cooking and nodded curtly.

“Hey, man! Come and help me set the table while you tell me about your first therapy.”

Eddie dropped his keys into the bowl near the door and set three plates on the table. “His name’s Franck, and this first therapy session went well.”

“So loquacious!” Chim mocked him as he took place on a seat while Maddie brought the food.

“It kills me to admit it, but the Chief chose a good therapist! I was certain this guy would want me to spill my childhood memories and cry over them, stating how life is unfair and rejecting the fault on my parents! But he didn’t, he just asked me to tell him the reasons why I needed therapy, what brought me there, simply by stating the facts and leaving emotions out of it.”

“What did you tell him?” Maddie asked, sitting on the chair in front of him.

Eddie looked at Maddie carefully, unlike last night, she didn’t seem angry and ready to insult him, so he continued. “I told him I lost my wife in a car accident, then almost lost my son and my best friend in a tsunami. Then I told him about Buck trying his hardest to get back on the team, Bobby refusing to let him back, which led to the lawsuit and then Evan leaving the country.”

“A bit succinct for a sum-up!” Chim stated.

“It was hard to say more without expressing feelings, and yet, it felt good to leave them out of it for now.”

“Dad?” A small voice called from behind Eddie.

Turning around, Eddie got up from his chair and went to pick Christopher into his arms. “Hey, mijo! What are you doing up? You’re supposed to be asleep!”

“I wanted to talk to you before.”

Eddie looked at his son with a worried expression before nodding and setting him down on the couch before kneeling in front of him. “What’s wrong, buddy?”

Christopher looked up towards his aunt Maddie and raised a hand towards her, silently inviting her to sit next to him. As she sat down beside him, Chris looked at his father intently. “I talked to Bucky last night.”

Eyes wide, Maddie and Eddie shared a confused look before asking how he did so.

“May called Bucky with her phone last night so I could talk to him.”

“What did you talk about?” Maddie asked kindly.

“I wanted to know if Bucky would come back when he wasn’t sick anymore.”

Sighing, Eddie tried not to let his temper rise. “Chris, I told you Buck wasn’t coming back!”

“I know!” The young boy answered loudly. “Aunt Maddie told me Bucky left because he was sick, and I was just scared that he left just like mom.”

Closing their eyes, the two adults cursed themselves, realizing just now how they insinuated Buck left because he was dying. 

“Chris, I’m sorry! I… we should’ve told you the truth right away.”

Christopher looked up at his father with a weird expression on his face.

“After the tsunami, Buck tried to come back to work but he couldn’t so he did something that Bobby and I didn’t like, that’s why he and I stopped talking and seeing each other. It’s because I was angry at Buck I told you he left us. But Aunt Maddie was right, Buck left because he was sick.” Looking at the former nurse, Eddie silently invited her to continue.

“Chris, do you know what PTSD is?” Maddie asked as she put an arm around the little boy who shook his head. “Well, PTSD is a sickness, to simplify it, you can say it’s a brain sickness.”

“How did hid brain got sick?” He asked curiously.

Maddie thought about how to put it into words for him before asking. “Do you know what traumatic event is?”

Chris nodded proudly. “It’s like the tsunami because it was scary and I had to go talk to someone about it.”

“That’s right! Well, Evan went through many traumas but unlike you, he never went to talk to someone about them, and because of that he never healed like you.”

“But what happens when you have PTSD?” Chris asked, stuttering a little on the acronym.

“It varies, but in Buck’s case, it made him have nightmares every night.”

The little boy stared into space, slowly processing the new pieces of information before nodding and getting off the couch. “I see. If Bucky can’t come back, that means that we can go see him.”

Maddie hesitated, she wanted to tell him yes and see his little face brighten at the idea to see his hero again, but Buck left for a good reason and she didn’t know he was ready to hear it. She opened her mouth to formulate a lie but Eddie beat her to it.

“I’m sure Buck would love to see you, mijo!”

As expected, Chris’ little face brightened and he quickly went back to his bedroom, muttering plans about drawings and cards for Buck. Eddie got up too and went to tuck his son in bed. Maddie waited on the couch for ten minutes, but Eddie wasn’t coming back. She got up from the couch and padded through the hallway to Christopher’s room. Eddie stood at the doorway and watched the sleeping kid, wrapped up in Buck’s turnout coat.

“Don’t tell me he stole it!” She whispered.

Huffing out a laugh, Eddie answered. “No, May stole it! She gave it to Chris last night.” He paused and then looked down at her. “Thank you, for helping me.”

Maddie refused to look at him, focusing on Chris instead. “Just remember, I’m not doing this for you! I’m doing this for Christopher and Buck, the persons you hurt but who somehow, miraculously never stopped loving you.”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  
  


“Where are we?” Buck asked as he stepped into a bar with the rest of the team.

“This is our bar!” TK answered. “That’s where the 126 go after a long shift, to drink, dance and for some, line dance.”

Buck looked around with a small smile playing on lips. “I like it here!”

Pleased to hear this statement, the team moved towards the bar and ordered their drinks. To Buck’s surprise, TK and he chose mineral water instead of beer, but he didn’t comment on it. While they were waiting for their drinks, the team commented on the stupidity of the people that got themselves in trouble and decided to drink a toast to them. After a few minutes, Paul, Marjan and Matteo went to play dart while the three brothers enjoyed their drinks and watched Owen and Michelle line dancing.

“Are you sure there’s nothing between them?” Buck asked again.

“We’re sure!” Judd and TK answered at the same time.

Chuckling, Evan sipped on his mineral water and watched with a distant look his new team dancing and laughing. His heart clenched at this sight as he remembered all those nights he spent with the 118, drinking and laughing about their day, enjoying each other’s company. He had found a family in them, but just like the first one, it didn’t last. Frowning, Evan chewed on his bottom lip as he wondered if he was gonna lost the 126 too. No, he preferred facing hundreds of more near-death experiences than to lose another family again.

“Alright, bros! This was fun but Grace is waiting for me at home.” Judd said, interrupting Buck’s train of thoughts.

The Texan hugged his new baby brothers before leaving.

“What’s wrong?” TK asked his brother as he saw the look in his eyes.

Evan looked at his brother, a tight smile spreading lips and shook his head, incapable of uttering a word. Even with the darkness, TK could see the tears forming in his baby blues, something he hated witnessing in him. Getting off his stool, TK hugged his brother from behind and put his head on his shoulder.

“It’s ok, we’re here!” He whispered before kissing his temple. 

Evan stayed locked in the comfort of TK’s embrace as they watched the dancing crowd. TK didn’t really know if his brother missed his team or if there was something more to his heartbreak, all he knew was that Evan needed him. As he scanned the room absent-mindedly, he noticed Carlos in a corner and smiled shyly at him. 

Pulling away from Evan, TK told him he wanted to introduce him to someone important and moved towards the officer. “Hey, stranger!”

“Hi!” Carlos answered curtly, his face unreadable.

TK tried not to get offended by the cold reception. “I’m glad you’re here, there’s someone I would like you to meet!” He continued, trying to take his hands but the officer moved back.

“Maybe another time! I have to go home, but stay! You seem to be in great company.”

Before he could say anything, Carlos had already made his way outside.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!! And I'm desperately trying to find my old rhythm back, meaning a chapter per day or every two days XD
> 
> Anyway, here's the ninth chapter. I still can't believe it's already the ninth one XD
> 
> I want to thank again all the awesome readers that comment on my story and give me more reasons to work harder. Without you, I'm not sure I would have written so fast and so much, so thank you for your wonderful comments and kind words!!!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Enjoy :D

Sitting alone on a stool at the kitchen counter, TK played absent-mindedly with his empty glass of water, staring into space. His mind kept replaying the recent events. When he learned that his brother came back to live with them, he had been so ecstatic, imagining happy days just like when they were kids. Sure it was naïve of him to think things would be the same after almost 20 years, but he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they all suffered on their own and needed time to heal. A big part of him was confident that things were gonna improve. They had a great team that was more like a family, and they took care of each other. Thanks to their love and support, he knew his brother would soon be smiling just like before.

“Ty? What are you doing up? It’s 4 am!” Evan’s sleepy voice made him jump in his seat. “Sorry! Didn’t want to startle you!” He apologized as he approached to give his brother a quick hug.

“It’s ok, I couldn’t sleep. What’s your excuse?” He asked as Evan took two glasses before sitting opposite of him.

“I heard dad rushing to the bathroom. I think he’s throwing up.”

TK raised an eyebrow and glanced at the stairs. “That’s weird.”

“Do you think it’s something he ate?”

For all answer, TK shook his head. “Now that I think about it, he’s eating a lot less than before.”

“It’s probably nothing! He would tell us if he was sick, right?” Evan asked as, looking dead on at his little brother.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“For no reason,” he smiled while pouring orange juice in their glasses and sipping on his, “but we talk to each other when something’s wrong, right?”

Frowning, TK didn’t like where this conversation went. “Yes, so?”

Evan waited for TK to read the message on his face, but the youngest Strand didn’t or refused to see it. “So you looked as down as I did last night. Wanna talk about Carlos?”

“Wanna talk about Eddie?” TK asked defensively, almost aggressively but regretted it right away as he saw the clenching of his brother’s jaw and the way he turned his head to avoid his gaze. “Ev, I’m so sorry!” He tried to touch his hand but Evan brought his glass to his lips to avoid the touch.

Sighing in defeat, TK cursed himself for letting his frustration bringing bad memories to his brother’s mind. But as he prepared a long apology, they both heard their father’s footsteps but didn’t raise their head when he entered the room.

“Good morning, boys!” Owen stopped dead in his tracks and winced. “I feel tension in the room, and what do we do about tensions?” He asked with his dad’s tone.

“We evacuate them!” Both boys mumbled in response.

“Great!’ Owen exclaimed as he moved to kiss his boys’ head and sat at the end of the counter. “Now, who’s first? TK?”

Turning his head towards his dad, mouth agape, TK asked. “Why do you always assume that I’m the one who…” He stopped when he saw the look on his face and sighed and looked at his brother. “I’m sorry, Ev! I shouldn’t have talked about Eddie.”

Evan bowed his head down and then looked up to give TK a small smile. “It’s ok!”

“And why did you mention _that_ name?” Owen asked, disdain clear in his voice.

TK blushed at the reason and tried and just shrugged in response.

“I talked about Carlos first!” Evan answered for him.

“Traitor!” 

Owen mused with a smile. “Ah! Officer Reyes! What has he done this time?”

“That’s what I tried to discover,” Evan stated.

“There’s nothing to discover!” TK complained. “I wanted to introduce you to Carlos, he refused, period!”

“Wait a minute! Why did he refuse to meet your brother?”

TK looked at his father with a puzzled expression and through his hands in the air. “How should I know?”

“I think I know why,” Evan mumbled.

Owen raised an eyebrow and glanced at his eldest who’s focus stayed on his brother.

“No,” TK answered simply, making his dad turn his head towards him.

“Yes!” Owen turned his face back towards Evan.

“Hell no!” 

“Hell yes!”

Owen turned his head back and forth between his two sons at each of their answers. “Why do I feel like an outsider in this conversation?”

Both boys smiled apologetically. “Sorry, dad!”

Silence fell over the table, then TK played again with his glass and sigh. “Look, I told Carlos about…” He stopped and looked at his brother. “About New-York. I told him that I had a bad break-up, like nuclear bad. He knows I am not ready for a relationship so he has no right to be jealous.”

“Did you tell him?” Evan asked.

Frowning, TK raised an eyebrow at him. “What? That he has no right to be jealous?”

“No! Did you tell him explicitly that you were not ready for a relationship?”

TK opened his mouth to retort, only to close it again.

“You gave him reasons to hope, son! Question is, does he have reasons to?”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


Later that morning, Michelle decided to drop by Carlos’ house before her shift after she learned on the news that tornadoes would hit Austin, but also because he promised her to meet her at the bar last night and never came, just texted her at the last minute, pretending he had a headache. 

“Hola, liar!” She exclaimed as she entered the house.

Cooking breakfast in his kitchen, Carlos glanced at his friend with a shocked expression. “Liar? What did I do this time?”

“Does standing me up last night not enough?” Michelle asked as she sat on his couch. 

Carlos internally sighed, knowing she didn’t come to blame him for standing her up. She just wanted to know why he did that. Turning around, he abandoned the idea to eat before his shift and joined Michelle on the couch. “OK, first, why do you think I’m lying?”

Tilting her head, she gave him an unimpressed look. “Seriously, Carlos? A headache? That’s a lame excuse, even for you!”

“Well, I didn’t feel like going, plus you were busy dancing with Captain Strand so…”

“How did you know I spent the night dancing with him?”

Although he had been caught lying, Carlos still gave her a look. “Even if I hadn’t been there, I see the way you two act around each other, and that look in your eyes…”

“So you’re confessing!”

“And you’re not denying!”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Michelle tried to hide the blushing of her cheeks by putting on a brave face. She squinted at him and then smiled, thinking that two could play that game. “You know, it’s a shame you didn’t stay long! TK would have been happy to see you.”

At the mention of the youngest Strand’s name, memories of the previous night flashed before his eyes. Clenching his jaw, lips pursed tightly, low breaths through the nose, Carlos avoided meeting Michelle’s eyes, but the Chief Paramedic decided otherwise.

“What’s wrong?” She asked in a tone that let him no other choice but to answer.

“I went to the bar last night as you asked me to, but when I entered, I spotted TK first.”

Putting an arm over the back of the couch, Michelle frowned. “Then, why didn’t you stay and talk to him?”

The truth is, Carlos pondered his decision all night, asking himself if he made the right decision. Many times, he reached out for his phone and composed TK’s number, only to delete it and put his phone away. Even now, he could hardly see how he misunderstood the situation. With a low sigh, he turned towards Michelle and broke out the truth. “When I entered the bar, I saw TK with another man.”

Eyes widening in surprise, Michelle tried to remember if she had really seen TK flirting with someone else, in vain. She guiltily admitted to herself that Owen had been the center of her attention last night. “Are you sure, maybe it was a guy from the team!”

“It wasn’t!”

“You’re absolutely sure? Can you describe him? Maybe…”

“Michelle, drop it! I don’t want to talk about it!”

Sighing in defeat, Michelle put an arm around him and stayed silent for the few minutes they both had left before going on shift.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  
  
  


As the Fire Chief Sanderson entered the station this afternoon, he looked around, searching for the team, but couldn’t find any of them. Usually, he always arrived before his team, but it seemed that since he became Captain of the 118, this particular team tried proving themselves to him by arriving first. It was nice seeing firefighters being so invested in their job, but Sanderson wasn’t one to be fooled. Their only purpose was to get rid of him and their sanction, and if they refused them, that meant they still haven’t gotten his objectives. Making them learn from their mistake and becoming better people.

Climbing up the stairs, the first thing he noticed was Henrietta Wilson, eyes glued to the TV as she listened to a reporter giving news from Texas. He looked at her with an unimpressed look, knowing for a fact that her only wrong had been not to react when her colleague suffered, he guessed he should’ve seen it coming. His attention switched from the firefighter to the TV and he froze.

_Tornadoes in Austin!_

For a brief moment, when he saw the news, he thought this was a cruel joke. Some people believe that your story is pre-written, but he didn’t particularly believe in what they could call destiny. And yet, he mused on the motives of Evan Buckley’s storyteller and why it seemed that the world wanted him to suffer so much lately. He just hoped that the young firefighter would find peace in station 126 sooner rather than later. 

“Chief?” The voice of Henrietta brought him out of his musing.

“Wilson! What can I do for you?” He asked as he sat at the table, inviting her to mirror his action, but she refused.

“I was wondering if you could allow me to talk to Evan Buckley, sir.”

Frowning at the request, Sanderson pondered the seriousness of her question. “I’m not his father, you don’t have to ask my permission to talk to him.”

Bowing her head down, she sighed heavily and sat down in front of him, her request seeming more difficult to articulate now. “I know that, Chief! In fact, I tried to call him, we all did, but it went straight to voicemail.

“Wilson, I don’t really like where this is going, so I’m going to voice, what I think is your idea, out loud and you will tell me if I’m correct.” The Chief crossed his arms over his chest. “You want me to manipulate Evan Buckley into thinking I’m the one who calls him so you and your team can mess up with him, again?”

“But, sir!” Henrietta stuttered at the choice of words of her new captain. “Sir… I… His sister is… She has something important to say to him… And we want to… We need to apologize!”

Sanderson listened patiently, still as a stone statue, making her squirm under the intensity of his cold stare. “Do you know, Wilson, how long Evan Buckley waited to hear those words?” He asked in a cold, yet calm voice. “Three simple words, I am sorry! I acknowledge that that’s what you want to give him. However, he wanted to hear them out of compassion, out of friendship, out of love, and that’s not what you would give him right now.”

“But, Sir!”

“I ain’t done!” He cut her, raising his voice loud enough to make the words echoed in the room. “The only reason why you want to apologize is to make **you** feel better! And let’s be honest, that’s not what he needs right now!”

“Oh really?” An outraged voice erupted from the top of the stairs.

Sanderson and Hen didn’t have time to turn towards the source of the voice as Eddie sat beside his colleague and faced his Captain, an angry frown on his face. 

“Eddie, you shouldn’t be here!” Hen chided. 

“I came here to talk to the Chief but ended up listening to a very interesting conversation! Come on, Cap! You seem to know Evan Buckley better than we do, so tell us what is it that he needs?”

Sanderson merely looked at Eddie when he growled his questions. At first, he refused to enter the firefighter’s little game, knowing it would only ignite his anger, but then realized that’s what he might need. “If you love your friend, you will give him time!”

“Time to what? To heal? Time to find himself a new family, a new team, and abandon us, again!”

Looking at the man who barked more than he spoke, Sanderson smiled ironically. “Actions have consequences, Diaz! You all took him for granted and that’s your sanction!”

Eddie’s nose flared at the audacity of the other man, he clenched his fist so hard, but he didn’t stop his body from shivering. “Well, he can stay in Texas, for all I care!” He grumbled as he got up.

“Didn’t you want to talk to me first?” Sanderson asked innocently.

Eddie stopped in his track, keeping his back to the new Captain. “Not anymore!”

Sanderson smiled and shook his head. “Aren’t you tired, Diaz?” He asked, making the firefighter turned towards him, an eyebrow raised. “Of wearing your anger like an armor?”

Looking at the Chief with a perplexed expression, Eddie tried to give a meaning to his words but couldn’t. Shaking his head angrily, he mumbled something inaudible and left the station.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  
  


Evan got out of his first therapy session when the storm hit. Despite the gust of wind and the pouring rain, the young man let out a sigh of relief when he finally got out of that session. This was inevitable, he knew that when he accepted to go to therapy, but he hadn’t expected to find a therapist as observant as Paul. From the moment he sat on that sofa, it seemed as though she saw it, the scar left by Dr. Wells. He never wanted to reopen that wound, and yet she made him talk about it with a frightening capacity. The images flashing through his mind made him want to puke, but he fought against it, he needed to meet his dad at the station before the storm blocks him. 

Knowing he would never find a taxi, he searched on his phone the quickest route to join to get to the station and started walking there. The force of the wind almost knocked him down a couple of times. Holding his shoulder bag close to him, he handled the pain, teeth clenched as the raindrops felt like thousands of icy little needles hitting his body.

When he finally spotted the station, he ran the last few meters, eager to escape the storm. He met Matteo on his way inside, the Probie told him he just had to take down the flags, but Evan didn’t really care at the moment. He entered and spotted the team setting the table while Paul cooked their dinner. When all eyes turned on him, he heard them gasped among the roaring of the thunder. Judd and TK surrounded him instantly, sharing worried looks.

“What the hell, Ev!!” Exclaimed TK as he took in the appearance of his soaking wet brother.“Don’t tell me you walked all the way here?”

Evan smiled sheepishly and nodded, incapable of uttering a word as violent spasm shook his whole body.

“Why didn’t you call us?” Judd asked in a softer voice.

“Did… Didn’t want to… To bother you!” He stuttered, teeth chattering. He brought a shaking hand up to grab the strap of his shoulder bag and pressed it tighter against his side.

“You’re family, Evan!” Marjan answered from her spot by the table. “You won’t bother us!”

Smiling in response, the young man had trouble stopping the violent shivers of his body.

“Ok! Dad’s upstairs surely trying to look good for Michelle! I’m sure he will let you use the showers!”

Pain seeped through his body as Evan made his way upstairs. After what felt like an eternity, he reached the bathrooms and hesitantly called out for his dad. 

“Evan?” The captain asked as he stepped out of a closed room.

The eldest Strand took a good look at his father’s face and found him rather pale, but he put that down on to the fact he surely looked like a giant, wet popsicle. He tried to smile reassuringly but it only made the Captain’s frown deepen. 

“Oh, Evan! Why didn’t you call me?”

The young man shrugged at the question, incapable of doing more, so Owen quickly took his bag and dropped it on the counter. As soon as he opened his mouth, a loud noise erupted from outside, then Matteo’s panicked voice attracted everyone’s attention.

“Alright,” Owen exclaimed as he opened the door behind his son. “You can use this shower! Did you take spare clothes as I asked you to?” Evan nodded. “Great! Remember, I want you to stay inside the station while the tornadoes hit! Under no circumstances you are allowed to leave this building, do you hear me?” He asked, taking his son’s face in his hands.

Downstairs, TK called out for his dad, saying the Probie needed help. Evan stared in his father’s eyes and nodded. Before leaving, Owen kissed his son’s head and closed the door on his way out.

As the door closed, Evan brought up his trembling hands and started removing his shirt with great difficulty as the soaked piece of clothing glued to him like a second skin. After successfully removing them, he discarded them haphazardly in the room before turning around to look at his reflection in the mirror. The man he looked at seemed familiar, yet so strange. No wonder his dad looked so pale when he saw him, Evan himself wondered where was the man he used to be.

Turning his gaze away from the offending reflection, Evan entered the shower. As he put his hands on the ice-cold tiles of the wall for support, a stream of hot water ran down on him, making his breath hitch at the sudden change in temperature. The quivering of his body stopped, replaced by an unpleasant feeling of prickling on his skin. Soon, the heat of the water relaxed his aching muscles. Humming at the warm sensation, Evan closed his eyes, but his knees buckled making him stumble in the shower. That’s when he realized he should probably get out of there.

Opening his bag, he put on the clothes he packed. Despite the closed door, he couldn’t hear a sound from downstairs, which lead him to think he stayed in the shower longer than he thought. If the crew was already out there, that meant the storm must’ve calmed down and they already were helping and retrieving people, and they probably wouldn’t be back until the very end of their shift. Rummaging through his bag, Evan grabbed his phone and, just as he expected, received two messages. One from his dad, the other from his brother. Both of them were asking Evan to stay at the station and not hesitate to use the bunk room if he needed to sleep. Evan couldn’t bring himself to think about that possibility. Sure, this would soon be his firehouse too, but for he hasn’t gotten used to it yet.

Picking his discarded clothes from the floor, Evan wrung them in the sink and put them back in his bag before putting it on the floor. But as he moved his bag, he heard the noise of a bottle of pills dropping in the sink. Frowning, Evan picked it up and saw his dad’s name on the bottle. Bile started to climb up his throat as he read the name of the pills.

_Granisetron._

The name didn’t ring any bell, but the fear that that simple name provoked in him made him sick. Keeping the bottle in his left hand, he took his phone in his right hand and searched through it the identity of this medicine. His hands started shaking as he read the words ‘ _Lung cancer_ ’. 

Dropping the bottle and his phone in the sink, Evan sank down on the floor, back to the wall, knees brought up against his chest. Rocking back and forth, he tried to regulate his breathing as the urge to vomit became more pressing. Images of his dad’s lifeless body flashed in his mind, followed by a hand grabbing him, taking him away from him, his brother, and the team.

“No, no, no! Please! Not again!”

Standing up, vision blurred by an ocean of tears, Evan staggered downstairs. He felt like suffocating and desperately needed to breathe some air.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone!
> 
> I know, I know! I took my time to write this chapter, and I'm really sorry. But I am quite busy these days, trying to find a job. By the way, I got an interview today, they'll call me back tomorrow to tell me if I got the job. Fingers crossed XD
> 
> Now, back to the story! I introduced a song inside this chapter, it's the first time I do that. I never wrote songfic so let's see if you like that.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

The minute Eddie entered that bar with the team, he regretted having accepted Athena’s invitation. Since  _ he  _ left, the Sergeant practically forced the team to gather a few nights a week and some weekends. She insisted they needed these moments to grow closer as a family, even after the recent events, especially after the recent events. Yes, Eddie admitted he missed them too, but when his eyes landed on the stage set at the center of the room, he knew why Chimney and Maddie chose this place.

_ An open mic night! _

He should have seen it coming! After all, it was the very definition of ‘a fun night’ for the couple. Sighing in defeat, he hoped and prayed that no one would force him to climb up on stage and sing a stupid cover. But his hopes got crushed the next second when he saw them going over the list of songs and choosing theirs, and probably everyone’s song. No! Eddie was adamant, he would not sing!

He followed the group to a table too close from the stage in his opinion but kept his thoughts about it to himself, not wanting to impose his sour moor to the others. Instead, he sat in front of Bobby and Athena who enrolled him in their conversation right away.

“So, Eddie! How’s therapy?”

The firefighter stiffened! Of course, Bobby would want to know how his therapy was going. The only thing he wanted was to spend a night out with the team and stop thinking about what hurts, but it looked like his friends had other plans in mind. Turning his head to the side, he opened his mouth to talk to Hen and Karen and change the topic of conversation but closed it when he noticed that the two women left to order at the bar. 

_ Traitors!  _ He thought bitterly.

“It’s fine!” He answered, avoiding eye contact with Bobby.

“Just fine?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Eddie turned his towards his Captain. “What do you want me to say? He’s helping, period.”

“Are you sure about that?” Athena asked with a frown on her face.

Clenching his teeth, Eddie fought to keep his anger at bay, and spoke with a measured tone. “Look, I talk to Frank, which is hard enough for me, so don’t make me talk to you too.”

Despite his hostile attitude, Bobby looked at him with a kind expression. He was a firefighter for longer than any of his team members, he knew all too well the devastating consequences of their rule. The one the academy taught him and kept teaching recruits.

_ No matter what you see out there, you man up and you suck it up! _

That rule hurt more firefighters than any physical accident did. That rule ate them alive, it made Bobby and many others find their solace in a bottle. Hell, it made Eddie find his in street fights! Bobby knew the danger of that rule and witnessed it way too much the past years, he knew the importance of talking it out, and yet he didn’t do anything when Buck sank into darkness and when Eddie lost his wife. 

Hen, Karen, Chim, and Maddie got back with everyone’s order and sat at the table, smiling and talking vividly.

Eddie only half-listened to their conversation, his mind wandering to the therapy sessions he had with Franck. The man was good at his job, but no matter what he told him, Eddie couldn’t let go of his anger, the fear of feeling void or broken too present in his mind. His train of thoughts got interrupted when a guy dropped a dish of meat in front of Maddie, who thanked him before digging in.

“Someone’s hungry tonight,” Karen mused as she watched Maddie eat. “Weren’t you sick this morning?”

Sipping on her glass of water, Maddie smiled sheepishly. “I was, well, I think! I don’t know!”

“You think?” Athena asked with raised eyebrows. “Honey, you had to call in sick today, maybe you should see a doctor, just to be sure!”

“Don’t worry, I have an appointment tomorrow.”

“Good!”

The table fell silent as a distant look grew on everyone’s face. The same thought crossed their mind and only Hen expressed it out loud.

“I know someone who would have freaked out to hear you were sick.”

A low chuckle escaped their lips as Maddie nodded. “He would have found me an appointment with a doctor in the next hour.”

“Yes, but he’s gone!” Eddie muttered somberly. 

Their laughter died down as all heads turned towards him. Maddie opened her mouth to say what was on her mind when someone called out her name to come sing on stage. Her eyes glanced back and forth between Eddie and the stage, and an idea popped in her mind. She got up from her seat and took place on the stool. She looked at the crowd and smiled nervously.

“Hi, everyone! I’m Maddie!” She paused and looked at the people around her. “You know, I always loved singing because there are some beautiful songs that are more powerful and meaningful than long speeches. Tonight, I would like to sing you a song that reminds me of my baby brother, of the kind of person that he is. This song is,  _ Homecoming Queen  _ from  _ Kelsea Ballerini. _ ”

Eddie stiffened at the first notes. He didn’t know that song, but Maddie said it reminded her of the kind of man her brother is, the man Eddie let down.

“ _ Hey homecoming queen _

_ Why do you lie _

_ When somebody’s mean _

_ Where do you hide _

_ Do people assume _

_ You’re always alright _

_ Been so good at smiling _

_ Most of your life” _

A fixed grin appeared on Eddie’s face as the portrait of Buck’s smiling face danced in his eyes. He could almost hear his best friend’s favorite lie. A lie he said so many times to so many people even he ended up believing it.

_ “Look damn good in the dress _

_ Zipping up the mess _

_ Dancing with your best foot forward _

_ Does it get hard _

_ To have to play the part _

_ Nobody's feeling sorry for ya _

_ But what if I told you the world wouldn't end _

_ If you started showing what's under your skin _

_ What if you let em all in on the lie _

_ Even the homecoming queen cries” _

Eddie started to wonder who Maddie was singing to. Firefighters could be homecoming queens, they had to look strong and suck everything up, something he and Evan did from the very beginning of their careers. Yes, he knew they were allowed to cry, no one was  _ that  _ strong, but could he really open up to someone else and let them see his weakness?

_ “Hey homecoming queen _

_ How's things at home _

_ Still walking on eggshells _

_ When that curtains closed _

_ Did your daddy teach you _

_ How to act tough _

_ Or more like your momma _

_ Sweep it under the rug” _

Why choose when you could do both? Buck had been so good at that! Every time Eddie thought about him, he pictured his best friend with a big smile on his face, but until now, he always thought that smile was genuine. Now, in hindsight, Eddie realized his mistake.

_ “Look damn good in the dress _

_ Zipping up the mess _

_ Dancing with your best foot forward _

_ Did you want the crown _

_ Or does it weigh you down _

_ Nobody's feeling sorry for ya _

_ What if I told you the world wouldn't end _

_ If you started showing what's under your skin _

_ What if you let em all in on the lie _

_ Even the homecoming queen cries _

_ Yeah what if I told you the sky wouldn't fall _

_ If you lost your composure, said to hell with it all _

_ Not everything pretty sparkles and shines _

_ And even the homecoming queen cries _

_ Oh yeah _

_ Even the homecoming queen cries _

_ Hey homecoming queen _

_ Why do you lie _

_ When somebody's mean _

_ Where do you hide” _

As Maddie finished singing, Eddie was already on his feet, put his money on the table, and ran outside to his car. He rushed home, even though he knew no one would go after him. He arrived home a few minutes later and found Carla reading a book on his couch. She looked up the moment he entered and saw the puffiness of his eyes but said nothing.

“Hi, Carla!” He said automatically.

“Rough night?” She just asked, putting her book away and picking up her purse.

“You could say that! How was Chris?”

Carla didn’t answer right away, as if she was searching for her words. “He was an angel, as ever. Though he was sad all day.”

“Why?” Eddie asked with a frown.

Carla raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking why he asked such a dumb question. “He wanted Buck! He said you promised him you would go see him!”

“I didn’t promise! He just said we should go see him and all I could say was that Buck would love to see him!”

Carla didn’t answer, she picked up her coat and left the house, leaving Eddie facing the cold silence of his home.

With a low sigh, Eddie padded through the hallway and peeked inside his boy’s bedroom. Christopher slept soundly. Thanks to the light in the hallway, Eddie could see him clutching a USB key in his little hand, the same key he hid from him the night he cried out for Buck, the same key Chris protected from another boy by hitting him. He knew he shouldn’t do that, but the temptation to know what was in it became too strong. Slightly pushing the door, Eddie entered the room and delicately removed the device from Chris’ grip before retreating in the living room. He sat on the couch, took out his computer, put it on his lap, and inserted the key.

The device contained only two folders, one named  _ Photos,  _ and the other named  _ Videos.  _ Judging unnecessary to look through all the photos he was certain Buck took of the three of them, Eddie clicked on the folder containing videos. He spent the next minutes looking through memories of many off-days that Buck and Eddie spent with Christopher, at the park, in museums, in Disney… So many memories his son seemed to cherish more than him. Most of the videos were taken by the blond, but sometimes, Chris stole his phone and filmed his hero, his Bucky. But these times, Buck’s smiles were really genuine, just like his words when he swore he loved them both.

Closing his computer and dropping in on the couch, Eddie had to make an inhuman effort to control his breathing. Fists clenched, he breathed through gritted teeth as he fought against the pain in his heart. In one swift movement, he grabbed the coffee table and threw it across the room with a low growl.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


The 126 spent the entirety of their shift helping people, not having a minute to breathe or to sleep. After their last call, Owen’s crew climbed back up in the trucks and made their way to the station while the sun slowly rose in the horizon, illuminating the devastating city, but not lifting the team’s mood. The last intervention hit them particularly hard. As firefighters, they had lost people, but not only was this man their first loss since they started working for the 126, but he also left two children behind him.

Watching his team from the corner of his eyes, Owen could see the same look of guilt plagued on their face, probably the same look he had on his face too. Like him, they surely chided themselves for letting this dad’s worry for his kids stop them from assessing him. Owen shared that feeling, he owned it. After all, he was the Captain, he made the wrong choice. Now, in the silent ride back, Michelle’s words hit him hard.

_ If he had spoken up… _

Owen found it scary how easily he drew a parallel with the dad. Both of them lied about their condition for the only purpose of saving their kids. Little did they know that their kids weren’t the ones who needed to be saved. 

When the trucks finally parked inside the station, Owen’s priority was to take his two boys home, not bothering to make any more plans. After today’s tragic event, the only thing he wanted was to have his two sons with him. Looking around the station, the captain couldn’t spot Evan, he wasn’t in the kitchen, or at the table, but considering the early hours, his son probably took him up on his offer to use the bunk room. But then again, Owen couldn’t find him in any of the two bunk rooms. His heart started beating furiously in his chest as he asked every person he met if they had seen Evan, but they all gave him the same answer. 

His erratic behavior attracted the attention of his team.

“Cap?” Judd called out. “What’s up?”

Upstairs, Owen stopped and looked at his second in command, unable to erase the panicked expression of his face. “He’s not here!”

Frowning, Judd asked. “Who?”

“My son! Evan, he’s not here!”

“Calm down, Cap! Maybe he went home! Go and if he’s not there just wait for his return! The team and I will search in town.”

This idea appeased Owen’s poor nerves a little who picked his bag and ran to his car.

Judd understood his Captain’s worry. He didn’t know much about Evan Strand, didn’t know why he came here, why he lived in L.A. and not with his father and brother, or what really happened to make him seek refuge here. The Texan didn’t really believe the blond. First, he knew Owen, and there was something he hid from the team, but he also looked at Evan in the eyes. He could try his hardest to hide his demons but Judd saw them, the same one he had to fight against.

TK got out of the locker room with the rest of the team. The young man just wanted to go home and rest, but Judd came towards them and enrolled them in the search of Evan. Like him, TK thought his brother probably went home because he didn’t feel at ease here yet. And while everyone agreed and left to search in town, TK went upstairs, wanting some gum in his dad’s office. On his way, he dialed his brother’s number, hoping to get a hold of him, but as the ring toned, TK heard the distinct sound of Evan’s phone in a bathroom. Curious, TK followed the sound to the same bathroom Evan used. He hung up when he saw his brother’s phone in the sink, along with a bottle of pills. He put the phone in his jean pocket and examined the pills. His breath hitched in his throat as he read the name of the patient, _Owen Strand._ He searched through his phone, seeking answers, and what he found left him breathless.

Taking Evan's bag, he left the station determined to have an honest conversation with his dad.

_**9-1-1** _

Climbing back in his patrol car, Carlos let out an exaggerated sigh. The firefighters of Austin dealt with the destruction brought by the tornadoes, and the police officers had to deal with people's cupidity. He had to deal with more theft last night than in the previous week and wondered how people could use a natural disaster as an excuse to rob others? Because of his job, Carlos found it harder to keep on believing in mankind. After all, humans are the only species who could kill by pleasure or greed, but whenever he had that thought, he met someone who made him believe in humanity again. Today though, that simple thought made him picture the gorgeous traits of a smiling TK. Despite his blighted hope, he couldn't get him out of his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried. 

Shaking his head vigorously, he cleared his throat and focused his attention back on the road. He was a few minutes away from the end of his shift, now wasn't the moment to have an accident. But just as he concentrated on the road, he noticed a blond man limping in the streets. Slowing his car, he watched carefully the familiar silhouette and recognized him. 

"Fudge me!' He muttered.

Just the man he never wanted to see again! The only good thing about this situation was that this time, TK wasn't glued to him. A sight Carlos couldn't bear to see twice. A small voice pushed him to ignore the man and just go home, but his instinct kicked in, saying this man needed help, and Carlos never ignored someone in need. Pulling his car to a halt beside him, Carlos called out to the man who jumped in surprise. "Are you ok?"

The other man looked at him and opened his mouth, but no words could cross the barrier of his lips. He seemed unable to formulate coherent thoughts. 

"Do you need help?" Carlos asked, wondering how he could assess him. The man didn't seem drunk and he wasn't visibly hurt.

"I got lost," the blond man managed to say.

Carlos' jealousy melted the moment the other man pronounced those words. His face looked like the one of a kid searching for his dad. Opening the passenger door, the officer told him to climb in. The blond obeyed without saying a word. He seemed shocked. Carlos understood he wouldn't get anything out of him, even the place where he lived, so instead of investigating, he drove towards the place where he knew someone who could give him the answers he needed.

A few minutes later, he parked in front of the Strands' house. Just when he got out of the car, he noticed that his passenger did the same thing, probably recognizing TK's house too. They barely made two steps forward that the front door opened and Owen Strand almost run towards them, hugging the other man tightly. Carlos frowned at the display but stayed silent.

"Where have you been, Evan? I was so worried about you!"

"Sorry! I just went out for a walk and I got lost!"

Sighing deeply, Owen issued him to go back inside.

Carlos watched the blond man, Evan, leave and suddenly felt the Captain's arms around him. He froze at the realization that Owen Strand was hugging him, but why he couldn't tell. 

"Thank you for bringing my son home!" He said before letting go of him.

"Your son?" Carlos asked, eyes wide in shock.

Owen smiled sheepishly. "It's a long story! But thank you again." He exclaimed as he made his way back inside the house.

Carlos watched him retreat and noticed TK standing on his right, arms crossed, a hard expression on his face. The officer smiled awkwardly and scratched the back of his head. "So, your brother!"

"Yeah! My _brother!_ " TK answered, emphasizing the last word.

"Ty, I'm sorry, I..." He trailed off, not knowing how to explain his own reaction.

"You thought I just slept around!"

"No!" Carlos replied without skipping a beat and breathed deeply through his nose. "I just got jealous!"

"Carlos," TK moaned. "I told you I'm not ready for a relationship!"

"I know that! I really do! I guess I just got scared that you decided to give a chance to someone else, someone better than me."

TK froze at the confession, seeing for the first time a vulnerable Carlos, a side of him he surely only showed to the people he trusted. That realization made TK's heart beating furiously in his chest. Stepping forward, the young firefighter took Carlos's hands in his and looked him in the eyes. "As a firefighter, I cannot make promises I can't keep. However, I can promise you that, if you wait for me, I'd like to give us a chance."

"I'm willing to give you all the time that you need if it means having the chance to be yours someday."

Grinning like a happy kid, TK let go of Carlos's hands and wrapped his arms around his neck, hiding his face in the crook of his neck, enjoying the warmth of the officer for a few more minutes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Sorry, it took me so long, but between my health problems, the new job, and the recent loss of my grandpa, I couldn't write.
> 
> Things are getting better now, even though my job still takes a lot of time and energy from me, plus the fact that I have some work to do at home. But because of my job, I will only be able to update every week.
> 
> Thanks again for your support and good reviews :)

After his night out with Paul and Carlos, TK came home to the sound of his brother’s muffled cries and whimpers. These covered sounds broke his heart as he realized that they were the only sounds that seem to come out of Evan’s mouth lately. TK rushed to his brother’s room, ready to extract him from his nightmares, only to realize that his brother wasn’t sleeping, worse, he hid his face in his pillow to stop his cries from carrying too far.

Almost jumping on the bed, TK put the pillow away and held his brother in his arms, whispering kind words to him until he stopped crying. His hand caressed Evan’s back in a soothing gesture. As he felt his brother relaxed, he left the room, hoping to get some sleep for his next shift, but opened his eyes again a few minutes later to the same muffled sounds. Despite his sleep need, TK couldn’t ignore his brother’s silent pain and went to his room to console him again. But, towards the early hours of dawn, the younger Strand heard his brother padding through the hallway and hid in their dad’s bedroom. TK didn’t need to know why he went there, it’s a habit they took when they were little, whenever they felt sad or afraid, they slept on the floor at the foot of Owen’s bed. Sure, sleeping on the floor wasn’t ideal, but TK’s mom never allowed them to sleep in their bed, even after a bad dream, so they decided to sleep at the foot of the bed, close enough to their dad but not enough to be seen by Gwyneth and being sent back to their room. 

TK knew his brother, not so well considering the many years they spent apart from each other, but enough to know that this was a silent cry for help. He spent the next days, trying to get information from his dad, about Evan’s time in L.A., about his former team, about why he had to see a therapist here if he already saw one in there, but for every question, his dad seemed to have an easy answer or Judd came to them and changed the subject, and now that he thought about it, the latter’s intervention always occurred when TK asked questions about his brother. But the second in command probably knew nothing of the big secret that Owen and Evan kept from the team, he was sure of that, and yet, he kept stopping TK from seeking his answers. 

One morning, TK lied in his bed with his arms crossed behind his head, staring at the ceiling, still as a stone statue. He kept going back and forth between his and Evan’s room all night, consoling him when he heard him cry and then coming back to his room. And just like the previous nights, he heard Evan pad through the hallway to sleep on the floor in their dad’s bedroom.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep, he stood up, took a shower, got dressed, prepared his duffel bag for his shift, and went downstairs. He looked around the kitchen and checked his watch.

_3.10 am_

Letting out a loud sigh, he put his duffel bag down, poured himself a glass of water, and sat at the kitchen counter. The deafening silence of the room made his thoughts echoing louder in his head, making it impossible to ignore them. A question, in particular, kept popping up in his mind.

_Why doesn’t he say anything?_

TK found his brother’s phone in the sink alongside their dad’s pills, which meant he knew about his cancer, and yet, unlike him, he hadn’t demanded an explanation, asked why he kept it a secret. 

Texas was supposed to be their start over, but since they moved here, father and sons suffocated under the weight of their secrets, and if that wasn’t enough, they were lying to each other.

The steps of the stairs creaked as Owen made his way down to join his son. “Morning, son!” The Captain greeted him as he searched through the fridge for a bottle of water.

This simple, innocent question only flared TK’s anger who answered with a low grunt. He waited until his dad sat opposite of him, but as nothing came, he asked. “That’s it?”

Raising an eyebrow, Owen shrugged. “Yes?”

Scoffing, TK crossed his arms over his chest. “How long are we gonna do that?”

“Do what?”

“Ignore the elephant in the room!” He answered a little bit more forcefully than he intended. 

Closing his eyes, Owen groaned. “TK, please!”

The young man waited for his dad to open his eyes and looked at him with a stern expression. “Is this the only reaction I’m gonna get when I’ll ask for the truth?”

“I told you the truth! Your brother needs time to heal from his traumas!”

TK bent over, resting his crossed arms on the counter, and asked in a low voice. “Do you think I’m that stupid? You taught me that trick years ago! Telling half the truth so people don’t notice you’re half-lying!”

“I never should've taught you that!” Owen replied, shaking his head. “You’re right! I’m lying! But the truth you’re seeking out, it is not my place to tell! Just like it is not my place to tell him about Alex and the consequences of your proposal!”

TK opened his mouth to reply, but the truth held in his dad’s statement stopped the words from crossing the barrier of his lips. He hated to admit that his dad was right, but that didn’t change the fact that he wanted to put an end to all these lies. “Did you tell him he will have to come clean to the team, eventually? Or am I the only one you demanded honesty from?”

Owen frowned, not liking where this was going. “What does that mean?”

Rubbing forcefully on his eyes, TK answered. “That means you don’t trust me! That means you must think I’m so weak! Or maybe it’s because Evan had always been your favorite!”

Ignoring the creaking in the staircase, Owen replied. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where does that come from? I love you both just as much, I always had!”

TK squinted through the discomfort in his eyes and scoffed. “You don’t know where that comes from? Well, I do! It started right after _she_ took Evan away from us! You felt so hurt for not having been able to prevent that that you disappeared! In the following weeks, you spent all your time at the station, avoiding _her,_ avoiding me! You were drowning in your guilt and you didn’t realize that I missed him too!”

Owen froze in place as his son opened his eyes to his failures as a dad. During all those years, he thought he only failed Evan, but the truth was, he failed one son and neglected the other.

“I missed you too, you know!” Evan’s voice broke the deafening silence as both men turned towards him.

“Did you?” TK asked right away, getting up from his chair.

“Of course!”

“Then why did you stay with _them_!” He asked, his voice full of disdain as he talked about his brother’s former team. “Since the day we reconnected, dad kept begging you to come and work with us, in New-York first, and then in Austin, but you always refused.”

“I didn’t refuse,” Evan tried to defend himself.

‘“And you didn’t choose either! We are your family and yet you stayed with these strangers! Do you know how much I missed you? Do you know how much I needed you?”

“TK!” Owen warned him as he saw the confused expression on Evan’s face, not wanting TK to say too much if he wasn’t ready.

However, TK turned towards him, eyes watering. “What? Aren’t you the one who told me to come clean? Well, now’s a good opportunity for the Strand family to finally be honest with each other!”

“TK, stop!” Evan pleaded.

“No, I’m not stopping now! You wanna hear my truth? Wanna hear how disappointing I am?” He stopped and stepped forward. “The reason why I stopped messaging you is that after I proposed to Alex, he told me he was in love with somebody else.”

Evan nodded, he knew that already, so he let his brother continue.

“I ran out of the restaurant, I was heartbroken and the first person I wanted to talk to was you! I wanted to hear my brother’s voice, I wanted you to tell me that everything was gonna be alright, I wanted you to hold me in your arms, but you weren’t there. So that night, I got my hand on a bottle of Oxy and overdosed in my apartment.”

Evan’s eyes widened at the revelation, mouth agape, incapable of uttering a single word. Owen just bowed his head down, this wasn’t how he wanted things to go.

“See?” TK asked. “This isn’t hard! In fact, telling the truth is much easier than we think, and trust me, it hurts less.”

The two brothers stared at the other, TK expected him to open up and put an end to all the secrets. His lips quivering, Evan tried to find the strength to blurt out the truth, but not a sound could leave his mouth. 

Pain and disappointment danced in TK emerald orbs as a single tear made his way down his cheek. “Nothing?” He asked, but when Evan didn’t answer, he picked up his bag and made his way out the door, ignoring his dad’s voice.

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  


Eyes staring at the ceiling, his hands on his stomach, Carlos focused on his breathing, a relaxation technique his mother taught him in case of sleepless nights. He controlled his breathing, focused on the rise and falls of his stomach with each breath, on closing his eyes, on stopping thinking, but no matter how hard he tried, it looked like sleep avoided him like a fugitive. 

Risking a look at the clock on his bedside table, he moaned inwardly.

_3:52 am_

He still had a good four hours before his shifts and he desperately needed some sleep. Draping an arm over his eyes, he inhaled deeply. His body gave him clear signs that he needed rest, but his mind didn’t let him and kept making him think about the adorable TK Strand and how their last ‘serious’ conversation made him imagine a future where the young man would be his. At the grocery store, he pictured TK pushing the cart while Carlos filled it. When on patrol, he pictured them walking hand in hand in the streets, just enjoying the day. Sometimes, TK would drop by at the station and bring him his lunch he would’ve forgotten on purpose. These waking dreams made him long for more, although he swore to be patient. Patience paid off two nights ago when TK called him because his friend Paul at the station got turned down by a woman, and he wanted to know where they could go to take his mind off of her. Carlos knew a club he went to a couple of times, so he gave him the address, and offered to keep them company, something TK accepted without hesitation. 

But that night, while he was dancing and grinding against the young man, the small voice in his head that kept warning him that TK would leave him for someone better from the first day the hooked up echoed louder in his head that night. Sure, Carlos knew it was his insecurities speaking, though he didn’t understand why they came back with more force. 

His train of thoughts got interrupted by someone pounding on his door, followed by a strong male’s voice. The force of the hammering made him jump out of bed in fright. He quickly opened the drawer of his nightstand and got his gun out. Gun in hand, he made his way downstairs where he hoped to get a better hearing of what the man outside said, but the knocks on the door were louder at first. Carlos stood in his living room, weapon pointed at the door, listening closely as the pounding waned.

“Carlos, please!” The voice begged, almost cracking. “Open the door! I need you!”

“TK?” The officer whispered to himself, incredulous. 

The shock paralyzed Carlos for a minute. His sleep-deprived brain, despite its clear dysfunction, tried to find a valid reason as to why TK knocked on his door at 4 am, but there was none. The officer must have taken too long because the knocks suddenly turned into light brushes, and TK’s painful voice called out his name again. Out of his torpor, Carlos put the gun away and opened the door, revealing a crying TK.

“Oh, Tyler!”

Without thinking, Carlos extended his hand and suppressed a sigh of relief when TK engulfed himself in his arms, burrowing his face in the crook of his neck. 

They stood there for a good minute, one hand on the back of his neck, the other rubbing up and down his spine under his hoodie, Carlos whispered soothing words to the younger man before leading him inside, to the couch. He let him sit there while he went upstairs to grab a t-shirt. When he came back, he sat not too close to him, wanting to give TK some space but the young man instinctively scooted closer.

Carlos waited patiently for him to say something, but when nothing came, he decided to ask. “What happened?”

“I fought.” He answered weakly.

“With your dad?” Carlos assumed.

But TK shook his head. “With my brother.”

Carlos looked at him with a tender expression and a soft smile. “That’s what siblings do.”

“It was our first fight!” TK sniffed, rubbing his nose with the back of his sleeve.

“What? Your first fight? How’s that possible?” Carlos asked, frowning at the question, but he regretted asking when he saw the way TK bowed his hand down.

The young firefighter couldn’t blame him though, Carlos knew next to nothing when he came to their family. Looking up, TK took a deep breath. “Evan is not my biological brother. Dad took him in when Ev was 8. He stayed a year with us, but when dad wanted to adopt him…” He paused to control his breathing. “My _mom_ found Evan’s birth parents and convinced them to take him back.”

It was the first time TK referred to her as ‘mom’ in a long time, but judging from what she did to his family, Carlos didn’t blame him for spitting the word with such disdain, not when he shared the feeling.

“I’m really sorry to hear that,” he apologized, but TK just shrugged the remark away. “What was the fight about?”

“About the secret dad and Evan won’t tell me!”

“How are you so sure they’re keeping things from you?”

“It’s so obvious! Evan was living in L.A. with his team, and then, after four near-death experiences, he decided to come and live with us! Something happened to him!”

“Yes, and that’s called traumatic events,” Carlos answered in a controlled voice, even though he couldn’t believe what he just heard. “TK…”

The young firefighter groaned and took his head in his hands. “Please, don’t say my name like that! I feel like I’m about to be lectured!”

“I think you need to be! Tyler, your brother isn’t trying to keep things from you, he went through four different traumas, and unlike what you seem to think, victims don’t happily talk about them. It’s gonna take time. But that’s not really what bothers you, right?”

Lips pressed in a tight smile, TK cursed the officer’s insight, although that was a thing he liked about the officer, but not when he used his cleverness against him. Carlos knew what the problem was, he just wanted to ask TK if he was ready to say it, and after spilling his darkest secret to his brother last night, it didn’t scare him anymore to do the same with Carlos. “I just missed him.”

Carlos waited patiently, unmoving, for him to continue at his pace.

“We reconnected right after he graduated from the academy and joined Station 118. Dad tried to convince him to come work with us since then, but Evan liked his team there. We’re all firefighters so I know the importance of a team, so I didn’t blame him at first. But things started to get rough, and I started to want him to be there even more. And then, Alex happened…”

“Tyler,” Carlos interrupted in a calm voice and put a hand on his. “You don’t have to do this.”

TK looked at him with a smile and answered softly. “But I want to.”

Carlos saw the confidence etched on his beautiful traits and let him continue.

“Alex and I had been together for almost a year. I really thought he was the love of my life, so I had this big plan for our first anniversary. I booked us a table at this fancy restaurant, and I proposed. But then he told me he was in love with somebody else.”

Eyes closed, Carlos exhaled through his nose and mentally cursed his bad choice of words the night he invited TK over for dinner. He couldn’t believe he blamed the young man for what he thought to be a disproportionate reaction.

“After he broke up with me, I bought a bottle of Oxy and overdosed in my apartment.”

Carlos saw TK’s eyes searching for his reaction, but although the officer wished he was surprised by this discovery, a big part of him had guessed it.

“The funny thing is that my dad told me not to rush into anything, as if he knew it wouldn’t end well, but I didn’t listen. Evan wasn’t there, and he didn’t really know Alex, so I guess he thought he couldn’t judge him or tell me what to do, so he just supported me, wished me the best. But having his love and support wasn’t enough, and after the overdose, I craved for my brother’s presence more than ever, although I knew he’d be disappointed in me.”

Carlos smiled at the last statement. “If he loves you just as much as you love him, he won’t be disappointed, he’ll just be extremely worried.”

TK nodded absentmindedly, a blank expression on his face. He closed his eyes as he couldn’t suppress a yawn.

Chuckling to himself, Carlos got up and took Tyler’s hands. “Alright, tiger! Time to go!”

A panicked expression crossed TK’s face for a brief moment. “Go where?”

Bringing their body closer, Carlos whispered in his ear. “To bed.” He let go of one hand and led them upstairs. “We can both benefit from a good three hours of sleep before having to go to work, and I don’t know about you but I think I’ll need them.”

  
  
  


**_9-1-1_ **

  
  
  


That night, after their shift, when Judd asked everyone at the station who wanted to come to play poker at his house with some ‘locals’, Owen jumped on the occasion to have a night out and keep his mind off his troubles. After the recent events, he really needed something to keep his mind busy and stop thinking about his son’s little fight this morning or his cancer or anything related. 

As a responsible father, Owen quickly sent a message to Evan, saying he wouldn’t come home that night and not to wait for him before heading out with Judd. He didn’t send a message to TK though, knowing his son would probably seek refuge at Carlos’s house. That probably was the only thing that eased his mind, knowing that someone was watching over one of his boys. 

“Cap?” Judd’s voice broke his reverie. “Your turn!”

Owen blinked rapidly before looking around, realizing every player looked intently at him. “Yeah, right!” He answered before folding, earning a raised eyebrow from Judd. “What?”

“You’re distracted!” He answered flatly.

“I’m not!” 

“You are!!” All of the other players countered in unison.

“Seriously, New-York!” Billy continue. “Stop worrying! Your boys aren’t 5 anymore, I’m sure everything’s fine.”

Owen glanced at Billy with a fake glare. “You do know, Texas, that everything starts going down the moment someone says ‘everything’s fine!’?”

The other man smirked at the comment. “Look who’s being dramatic!”

Owen was about to reply when he felt his phone vibrate on the table, he could see TK’s name written on the screen. He resisted the urge of telling Billy ‘I told you so’ and answered.

“Dad! I need your help!” TK’s panicked voice made him shiver.

“What’s wrong?” Owen asked as he got up, he could hear other voices on the other end of the line.

“I, I, I don’t know! I dropped home to pick up some clothes and I found Evan yelling in the living room.”

“What do you mean yelling?” Owen had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and only prayed that this wasn’t what he feared it was.

“He’s crumpled on the floor, rocking back and forth and shivering. He keeps repeating things like, ‘there’s water everywhere’ and ‘where’s Chris?’. I try talking to him but it’s like he doesn’t see me.”

Owen closed his eyes and cursed mentally. He pushed his chair and searched for his jacket. “TK, listen to me! Your brother is having a night terror! Right now, he may seem awake but he’s not, he’s still sleeping.”

“How can I help him?” TK asked, pain clear in his voice.

“You can’t! The only thing you can do is to wait it out and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”

“But, dad!”

“I’m on my way TK, I promise!” Owen said before hanging up abruptly. “I’m sorry, guys!”

“It’s ok, Cap! Go to your kids!” Judd answered right away.

“Thanks!”

Owen didn’t waste any more second and ran outside to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any kind of mistakes, I didn't really take the time to reread myself. Sorry!
> 
> But I promise I'll do that as soon as I can :)
> 
> And don't forget the little review ;-)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the end of this first chapter, I hope you loved it :)
> 
> I'm already working on the next chapters, so I'll hopefully see you very soon ;-)
> 
> P.S.: Do not hesitate to tell me what you think of the story, even if it's to share things you didn't like about it or any grammar mistakes. English is not my native tongue so I'm eager to improve and your comments can help :D


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